*Apple Hair Book 2*
Apple Hair did it. They refused to fall into the temptation of the dream world. They endured a year of training that was almost too much for them to handle. They even began their little universe, which will set them apart from ot...
Shar, Kaden, and I head to the jjimjilbang (Korean spa) after practice one day. With the December chill attacking me, I close the door to the van quickly. Kaden shivers and looks like he's about to start a dream-world fire inside the vehicle. (We've never tried something like that before, but I'd imagine it wouldn't work out so well.)
"Van, Seiya, and David don't wanna come?" Shar says as she pulls out of the AWE Seoul basement parking lot.
"Van's too shy," I say, still trying to warm up. "And Seiya and David are probably not ready to see each other naked yet!"
Shar laughs. "I understand Van's reason. I don't know about your hypothesis about David and Seiya though, Corrin."
Kaden says, "They're missing out. jjimjilbangs are great for health. Alternating between the cold and hot pools are peak for your body."
"I'm not going into the cold one," I say. "That sounds like torture in this weather."
"It's a good sort of suffering," Kaden says. "Your body will thank you later for it."
As Shar drives, for some reason, I don't feel very sleepy. I end up showing Kaden a new phone game that David hooked me on, and Shar sings along to the Christian music that she puts on the radio.
"We're here!" Shar says.
As we go outside to enter the building, I think about anonymity and how this will be very hard to do once we debut officially as Apple Hair. (I don't know why I have this thought now, but I decide just to fully enjoy myself today.)
"I'll see you later after you guys bathe," Shar says, taking off to the women's locker room.
"Okay," Kaden says. "Maybe I am a bit shy too."
"We all look the same anyways," I say. "Nothing to be shy about."
As I strip in the men's locker room, I keep an eye out for fairies, blackouts, or any weird individuals. I avoid looking below Kaden's collarbone as we shower and then head to the communal bathing area. Lots of families! Also, I forget about the concept of voices when I dip into the hot pool.
The voice that came back, the original voice, may sound just as menacing. It constantly tells me and the boys—you won't make it. I try to ignore it. Sometimes, I hover on the outside of the dream world, where the voice is harder to reach.
And the voices inside my mind... those are another matter altogether. I wish I could throw them all out like garbage. I wish I was like the other members. But the medication seems to be helping me along, the overall depression being my main concern now.
"It's just weird since we don't have something like this in Hawaii," Kaden says. His head sticks out of the pool, and it looks like he's avoiding meeting anyone else's gaze. I didn't know he could be so shy!
He successfully knocks me out of all of my worries. "We should though," I say. "Then again I can't imagine the messy things that would happen inside an American jjimjilbang."
"I don't want to think about it," Kaden says. "Anyway, this isn't weird. Not at all."
"Are you trying to do that brain conditioning thing again?" I say.
"It works," Kaden says.
He's a man of his word, because he ends up alternating between the cold and hot pools three times. (He grimaces each time and looks like he's torturing himself, but hey... if he says it's good for him.) I stay in the hot and feel the dream world calling at me. I wonder if I give in, whether I'd find myself in a hot spring in the forest.
I resist and follow Kaden when he gives me a lecture about how it isn't healthy to soak for an extended period of time. I dry off with him and put on our spa clothes, a tannish top and bottom with dark brown hems that make us look 100% like brothers.
Shar meets us there in the same outfit outside. "That was definitely something we could never do back home," she says.
"Kaden looked like he wanted to bury himself," I say.
He hisses and shakes his head. "I wouldn't say that. Anyway, I'll go get us some food. Sikhye, anyone?"
I say yes to the sweet rice drink and settle down with Shar on some mats on the floor. The sauna area leads off to several hot and cold rooms of various temperatures, but the main space is bright and welcoming, with an open concept—rows of massage chairs, a PC room, and a miniature library in the corner.
"You must miss your mom," Shar says.
Maybe it's the sudden thought of her, or not being able to talk about her for such a long time. But immediately, tears prickle my eyes. Why now! "I do miss her."
"Have you called her lately?" she asks.
"No," I say. "I don't want to worry her. I'm afraid that she'll know immediately that I'm not doing well. And then it will all go downhill from there...."
"She cares about you, Corrin." Shar takes a break from folding her towel into a cute hat. "She will just want to say that she loves you and is cheering you on."
"I think you're right." I watch Kaden move upwards in the line. "I just don't want to worry her because she's already done so much for me. I'm an adult now, so I should be able to take care of myself. I want to show her that I'm fine."
"If you're not fine, you shouldn't lie to her or yourself," Shar says, gently.
I make it up in my mind to call soon. When Kaden comes back with the drinks, I take a sip and try not to let my prickling eyes turn into a full-blown waterfall. The little grains of rice stick to the back of my throat, and when Kaden and I jump from the hot clay rooms to the ones with icy walls, I keep thinking about how Shar's exactly right.
The next time I'm at practice, I try to imagine myself as a hero. A knight or a warrior, facing a dragon. But I don't think depression looks anything like a dragon. It's more like a phantom that cannot be seen all the time. I really do struggle, and it feels like I'm sinking instead of dancing or singing. I put up my happy face and assure the other members and instructors that I'm fine. (Maybe if I say it that many times, it will come true?)
Shar takes me to the psychiatrist during training—I feel bad about missing practice, but the symptoms are just so bad. I feel like I'll drown if something doesn't change soon!
The psychiatrist isn't much help though. Maybe it's how he doesn't ask me any questions even when I try my best to explain myself in Korean. He just prescribes me a new pill. I can tell he's all about efficiency, and he doesn't really care about what's happening in my brain. I never thought this would happen, but I actually miss my doctor back on Oahu.
"Have you called your mom yet?" Shar asks on the ride back to AWE Seoul.
"No...." I say. Even though I promised myself I would, I still don't want to drag her down in any way.
"She'll be so glad to hear from you."
I almost choke on my words. "I... yeah, I know."
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Hello! Are you loving the first jjimjilbang experience? It's so new for these Hawaii guys!
Can you believe it's almost the end of the year? How did those New Year's resolutions go? I made a bit of progress, but there's always room for improvement. Especially with my goal of learning more Korean!
