Serpent scars

Chapter 4

A few weeks had passed since me and Roger's first attempt at getting pregnant. He now wanted me to take a pregnancy test and I was not ready for the results. What am I going to do if it's positive, and what is he going to do if it's negative... I had been going into work as usual, keeping my little secret to myself. I had become more distant towards my co-workers as if that was even possible. Their pity was no use to me, I didn't want their opinions on my life. As if they even care about me.

I was in the bathroom peeing on the stick, a fucking stick! Roger was waiting impatiently for me to come out. "Oh hurry up, Siobhan." He moaned from outside the door. I was grateful for even this level of privacy. But if I were to take any longer he will bang this door down. The results were forming. Shit. Positive.

No                                                                                                                                                                                                  No                                                                                                                                                                                                  No                                                                                                                                                                                                  No

I don't want this, I can't do this. I'm not strong enough for this. What am I going to do? What is everyone going to say? No this can't be happening! I was so lost in thought I had blocked out Roger's shouts. "SIOBHAN YOU BETTER OPEN THAT FUCKING DOOR BEFORE I KNOCK IT DOWN WITH MY FIST!" Well that's reassuring. Am I having a panic attack? I hesitantly unlock the door to allow Roger to step in. "Well?" He moaned. "I-I-I." Spit it out!" My words won't come out, my thoughts suffocated my mouth not letting any words escape. Only permitting croaky letters to escape. Tears were streaming down my face, not happy ones. "Ugh, useless woman!" He muttered before snatching the test from my shaky hands. My skin was even more pale then before, my body looked so sickly and frail. "Ah ha! Finally, good for something." He said patting my back firmly like a dog. I guess I am just his pet. But I was as still as a statue. I still couldn't believe it. I didn't want to.

His hands found their way to lock themselves around me. I flinched at the touch. This time it was not what Roger wanted. He liked to think of us as a happy couple, like I wanted this baby too. He was living in some kind of corrupted fantasy where I was a 50s housewife, nothing more. I was only there to please his desires, to make his food, to have his children, etc. I tried to smile but it didn't reach my eyes, it never did. I must of looked so small, like a child again. I'm scared of him and he knows it well. He used his hands to dominate me. He then began to claw his nails into my hips causing me to wine in pain quietly, mistaken for pleasure? I felt his cold lips begin to press against mine. He was moving my hips around and I tried to smile, I tried to enjoy it. I just couldn't, what is wrong with me? My hands desperately clung onto the palm of his hands trying to stabilise myself.

After he was done, he stumbled out with my red lipstick smudged all over his sloppy mouth. He had really gone for it. My hand went to comfort me, covering my face with my sweaty palm. I took a few deep sighs wanting to forget all about this. I need a drink. Dam it! I cant fucking drink anymore! Maybe one won't hurt...

I was going to finish of that rosé wine from a few weeks back, but quickly came to the realisation I had already knocked out the whole bottle with a few rounds of shots that night. Maybe I'll go for some gin and tonic then instead. I poured myself a glass but then felt someone's cold presence approach me. "Uh uh, Siobhan. Mummy can't be drinking." Okay, so he was high, really high? I just sighed at him accepting defeat by lowering the glass from my mouth. My head found itself being supported by my palms one again. I was done. Roger was still creepily leering over me with a eery smirk. His hands were placed solidly on my shoulders. What did he want now? "Not feeling so good, Mummy?" He asked mockingly. I'm not sure if it was mockingly or he was just speaking like a child. Probably both. I lifted my head out my hands and looked at him. "No, baby." I replied trying my best to play into this sick game of his. "Well Daddy can make you feel really good." He moaned. God save me. "Not right now, Roger. I'm tired." I said not realising the gravity of the situation.