Can I Be Okay Again?

Memory of November 2, 2024

Today was the day I broke more than ever...

I HAD this best friend names Nathan Pope who I told EVERYTHING to and I always felt like I could be myself around him because it felt like he understood a part of me. I have this part of me that I love to call "hideaway" that nobody sees of me like my brother, mom, and step father. I never wanted them to see it but my step father got to see it today. He got to see how easily hurt I can really get in one single second. I have never broke so bad like I did today.

My old best friend (as of 2 hours ago), Nathan Pope decided to prank me that my insane ex boyfriend Ethan Page and his best friend George Warner were going to jump him for some reason. I had told my step father that I was going for a run and I was...until Nathan told me this and I was furious. "Nathan where are you at right now?!" Is what I yelled through my phone "I'm at south plantation and they saw me. Oh shit they saw my ass!" He hung up and I started biking through he woods to get to him calling all my friends in he area crying telling them to find him and to look around south plantation. "I don't know where he's at and I'm running in the woods on my way to Cleveland high school trying to find him and I don't think I'm going to get here in time I need you guys to help me find him please!" I was screaming crying to them as I ran feeling like I was going to pass out on the side of the road. I entered South Plantation crying on the phone with both my friends Evan Morris and Keimia Robinson. Keimia was grabbing her Dad's gun and car keys getting ready to leave with both. My friend Evan was pulling in seconds after I ran into South Plantation risking my own life I told both of them "I love you guys so much if I don't make it out of this just let Nathan know that I was just risking my life to hold them off till you guys got there. I love you guys more than you could ever imagine." I couldn't find them as Evan pulled in with her Dad and jumped in the car as Evan called George and he kept saying he didn't know where Nathan is and then said "Who's Nathan?" As we started threatening them to kill them Nathan jumped in and said he was at the High school with them and he was fine.

Without Evans Dad saying a word he sped to the high school as we were looking around I spotted them climbing on the equipment and I yelled "Right there!" pointing at them getting ready to jump out of the car. Evans Dad told us to stay there because we were both saying how we were going to bash their heads in and kill the once we say them. When I saw Nathan I was in full tears running down my face not able to breath and so was Evan as he screamed at them with his Dad saying that I was already going through he worst time and saying how last night Nathan stayed on the phone with me because I wanted to kill myself so badly. Evans Dad got back in the car slamming the door and Evan screamed at Nathan to go home as we pulled away I was asking his Dad to just take me home and he did dropping me at the front of the neighborhood as I sobbed. Me and Evan got out and hugged me as I broke down crying to him saying I was weak and couldn't walk thanking his Dad for everything he did and he said to tell my parents when I got home.

I called Keimia telling her that I was in my neighborhood walking home and me and her were crying so hard. I called my step father not telling him till I got home crying to him about it all crying so hard and he said had to tell my Mother And I agreed but before I did Nathan was blowing my phone up so I called him screaming "FUCK YOU! YOU THINK YOU'RE SO FUCKING FUNNY?! GO KILL YOURSELF GO KILL YOURSELF GO KILL YOURSELF ALL THREE OF YOU AND IF YOU DON'T THEN I WILL!" before he could say anything I hung up and started walking back into he house but half way there I sat down unable to move from all the pain hat had just hit me. I called Evan and told him what I said and hat I had to call my Mom and tell her and so I got my step dad and we stepped outside and called my Mom.

She said she was just glad I told the truth and that I was safe at home and that I will never be hanging out with them ever again. I didn't care about my crazy ex or Georgie I only cared about Nathan and that was it. I've only cared about him and I couldn't stand the thought of that I could have lost him today and how I knew where he was at and if he would've died that blood would've been on MY hands and not anyone elses. I just hate how much I cared about him. How much I actually...I actually thought he could care about me.

I hope I die tonight and never wake up because I want my life to stop. I want he pain and he thoughts to stop. I want EVERYTHING to just stop please make it stop!