Ex with Benefits (Sequel to Roommates with Benefits) [NEW VERSION]

15. The Truth

Tara

The morning light filtered through the blinds, casting a striped pattern over my bed as I lay still, listening in, expecting to hear the muffled sounds of nature waking up.

However, I could already hear voices and other noises. Looking over on my nightstand, I saw it was already 9 am, which meant I was late. Then I remembered it was a Sunday — no school, no work, no morning rush.

I was especially thankful for the no work part. I wouldn't know how to face Jeremy after standing him up the other night. I had been the one who'd asked for a date, yet I had been the one to leave him alone at the restaurant, never showing up.

I did text him — an hour or so after the designed time for the date. Just a quick 'sorry, I can't do this'. He said it was okay, but I still felt horribly bad. Jeremy was incredibly kind, but I'd left him alone in a crowded restaurant for over an hour without a word as to whether I would show up or not. Anybody would hate me. But not Jeremy Talbot.

I got up slowly, but every movement feeling heavier than it should have. The weight of the last couple of weeks continued to press hard on my chest, making it difficult to breathe.

Once in the bathroom, I turned on the faucet and splashed cold water on my face, hoping to clear away the haze lingering from sleep, from regret, from everything I couldn't put into words. I met my reflection in the mirror, my gaze tracing the familiar lines of my face, looking for some kind of answer in the tired eyes staring back at me.

I didn't recognize the woman that was staring back at me. Sure, the bags under my eyes were always there, no amount of concealer could ever really soften them if the glasses weren't there to hide them.

My face had puffed up and I'd most definitely kept a lot of the pounds I'd gained with every pregnancy. But the 38-year-old woman weighed down by regrets, bad choices, and endless responsibilities didn't look anywhere near close to the person I thought I would become.

21-year-old Tara felt like she could achieve everything, at least professionally speaking. Then this blonde hurricane from the past barged into her life and revolutionized it, forcing her to alter not only every plan, but also her view of herself and the world.

38-year-old Tara was at the end of her married life, no job prospects, and had pretty much entangled herself in some complicated situationship with a man who technically wasn't her boss but was definitely a superior.

Not that Jeremy was that kind of man.

Then again, it's not a situationship when there's barely been one kiss and you stood him up. For a really dumb reason, even.

"You can't keep doing this," I whispered to myself, gripping the edge of the sink. But as much as I wanted to stop — stop worrying, stop wondering, stop hurting — I didn't know how.

The sound of footsteps outside my door pulled me from my thoughts. For a second, I hoped it was him, but I pushed the hope down before it could grow any larger, before it could swallow me whole.

Why was I hoping to hear him, anyway? Why was there still a part of me that hoped to see Lukas knock gently on the bathroom door to tell me breakfast was ready?

It was a Sunday, we'd take the kids on some long walk or outdoor picnic. We'd spend the day playing on the deserted Winter beach or sweating under the heat as we went on a hike.

It didn't matter how we spent it, Sunday was a day reserved to family. Lukas even left his work phone at home, to be sure he wouldn't be disturbed. It was made for activities we all enjoyed. Well, I never enjoyed hiking, but the price of marrying a sportive man was having kids that had his same interests. Except for Zach — just like me, he'd rather stay at home and read a book.