CAPTIVE AFFECTION - J.JK ✔︎

6 | Guilt

[Warning: Mention of SUICIDE]

ONE MONTH LATER:

JUNGKOOK

Was she asking for me to help her? Was she asking me to save her? Hell yes!

But I couldn't. I couldn't even if I wanted to. I want to take her far away from here, give her all the happiness she deserves.

I want to help her, I want to save her, I want to hold her close to me and never let her go, I want to- ..love her, I want to love her the way she deserves.

The guilt is eating me up, causing the tears to flow down my face.

I am sorry Y/N, I am sorry. 

Those innocent eyes of yours, begging me to stop all of this, those pure eyes filled with hope, only to be shattered the very next moment..

The way you always chose me when you get scared, it's hurting me, more than anything. Not even my grandpa's death affected me this much.

The love, the pure adoration I have for you..

I want to be the only one you want when you are scared but at the same time I don't want to. I want this attachment to be gone but at the same time I don't want to.

This is hurting me, both physically and mentally.

"While sin is sin, it's even more sinful to watch it happen and not do anything".

I know that she is going to hate me for this, she is going to hate me when I tell her the truth but I was helpless too. I couldn't, even if I wanted to, that's how helpless I was.

But not now. Now, I can finally free her from all of this. 

I gently lifted her off my lap, careful enough not to disturb her sleep and placed her on the floor.

I walked to the room where that bastard always stays.

I walked in just to visit a disgusting sight!
He was getting his cock sucked off by some girl. Ugh!

He saw me and told the girl to leave.

- What brings you here? Got a new girl?

Bastard!

- I don't want to do this anymore.

I said with an emotionless face.

- Nice joke buddy,,don't want money to save your grandpa?

My grandpa, my only family member died yesterday, the one for whom I let 
Y/N suffer is no more, for whom I did this disgusting work, for whom I was silent from the beginning is no more alive. So, nothing's holding me back from quitting this shitty business now.

- No.

I replied.

- Is this some love case, huh?

He smirked, staring right in my eyes.

- What love?

I frowned, pretending to be confident.

- You didn't let anyone touch her for over a month now. Your task was to tell her some fake story and trap her into this, not to fall for her in the process! Do you fucking get that?!

He yelled. I know how to silence this bastard. 

I grabbed the knife in my pocket and stabbed him right in his chest. He was caught off by my sudden action and it was too late when he realised what I did.

Should have done this before. 

The head is gone, pawns have no power and will eventually fall down. My main problem was the head, not his pawns.

I sighed, turning around but froze when I saw Y/N’s teary face and shaking body.

No no, this is not how I wanted things to happen. I wanted to tell her the truth by myself, not like this!

- Y-Y/N listen- I know that you will hate me for what I did but I was helpless too, I had to save my grandpa..

- By ruining me?

She whispered, tears continuously flowing down her face.

Y/N

Never, never did I ever expect this. I never thought that he could betray me. He sold me for money, he watched me suffer. Everything they did to me, he knew it all, all of it!

Now I understand that "fake" rape story, the fake care, the fake affection and crying out of guilt. Now I understand why he used to cry while "comforting" me.

I am so dumb. No, actually not. Men are like this, the way I think is right. I thought that I found someone who proved that my thoughts on men are wrong but no, he added more points on my hate list.

Such a manipulative bastard!

How am I supposed to react to this? I am just expressing sadness but my rage is more than sadness.

He ruined my life just to save his grandfather's, who died in the end!

He ruined me, he broke me to the point that no one and nothing can fix me now.

- You could have explained me your situation but no, you chose to play with me and my feelings. Are you happy now? This is what your grandpa taught you?

- Y/N!

He yelled.

THE FUCKING AUDACITY!

- You have no fucking right to yell at me, fucking bitch!

- S-Sorry, Y/N please, p-please to me..

*****

JUNGKOOK

I somehow explained everything to her and convinced her to escape from here.

- I'll forgive you but I can never trust you again.

That's what she said before going to sleep. She strictly told me that she wanted to be away from me. So, I am sleeping in the hallway.

I know, the thing I have done to her, the situation I have pushed her into, she could never forgive me, she just said that to make me feel less guilty but it’s not helping.

And..it’s physically hurting me to stay away from her..!

________________________________________

NEXT DAY:

Someone screamed from the other room which caused him to wake up. He woke up and walked to the room where the sound came from.

The scene he saw when he entered the room left him frozen on his spot. He couldn't breathe, his throat tightened up. 

He slapped himself to check if he was dreaming but sadly, no. He was not dreaming.

It was real, Y/N had killed herself, with the same knife he had used to stab the head of this place.

He couldn't think of anything, his mind went blank. He went to check her breath and last hope was also shattered. She wasn't breathing. He lost his balance and fell on the floor, sobbing like a little kid.

He lost her because of his stupidity and greed to earn a lot of money in less time and in an effortless way.

- ika