Retrograde▸bucky barnes

30. Living Room Reunion

It had been 6 months and Lena had not heard a single word from Bucky Barnes. He could be dead and she would not have known it – she had ignored Sam's calls until he finally stopped calling and only replied to Joaquin's message with single words in effort to keep him from showing up on her doorstep. So far it had been working.

Berlin was as beautiful as ever and was exactly where she wanted to be. It was a busy city full of roiling activity and fantastic adventures to be had. Her favorite bartender was turning into a good friend and the days between thinking about a certain metal armed soldier stretched further and further apart. She had friends, she had plans, she had things to fill her time – she was happy.

"Well," Lena said into her phone trying not to drop it as she fumbled for her apartment keys, "let me know if you pick up that shift because if you don't, there's that band that I think you'll like playing that night."

Samantha continued to be noncommittal on the other end of the line but that was alright with Lena. A night in was just as good.

"Well just let me know," she said as she pushed the door open and unceremoniously dropped her bag on the ground. A slight rustle of fabric came from behind her and she froze, before whipping around. Laying on the couch was a blood covered Bucky Barnes, his blue eyes just barely visible behind fluttering eyelids.

"Uhm, Samantha," Lena interrupted her friend, "I'm going to have to call you back."

Without waiting for an answer, she hung up and crossed the living room in an instant to drop to Bucky's side. The last time she had seen him still burned in her mind, the look on his face and the overwhelming darkness that had tumbled over her in the wake of his words. It still hurt to look at him – to know that his hands, the hands she was now clutching in her own were the very same ones that took the lives of her family all those years ago.

"Bucky," she said, her fingers reaching up to touch the long scratches on his face, "what happened to you?"

"I'm sorry," he whispered, his voice hoarse and barely audible, "I didn't mean to come here- I just didn't know where else to go."

Lena shook her head, "What happened?"

With eyes still closed he cracked a smile, "Motorcycle accident."

"James Buchanan Barnes!" Lena exclaimed, "I told you-"

Bucky opened his eyes slightly, "Someone was trying to kill me and I happened to be on the motorcycle when it happened. So really, it's not my fault."

Lena shook her head still confused, "what are you talking about?"

Bucky grunted and attempted to sit up but gave up almost immediately, "the last of the Flag Smashers. I was tracking a couple and they'd come to Berlin and well, they got ahead of me."

"Okay?" Lena frowned, and stood up to examine his face closer, her hands unsteady. "Definitely road rash," she thought. A horde of conflicting emotions roared in her head but the one that shocked her the most was fear- fear that he would not be alright.

"And they took out my bike and attacked me."

"Not to be rude but this story is sounding very unlike you," Lena said, struggling to keep her voice even, "you look like you took a beating."

Bucky laughed and then began to cough. To Lena's horror, his hand came away from his mouth with a smattering of blood on it.

"I think we should get you to a hospital."

"No," he said voice still hoarse, "I'm alright doll. I just need some stitches. And to lie low. I'm sorry, I don't mean to bring you into this again."

She felt a flare of anger in her chest – How could he expect to show up bleeding in her living room and expect her to do nothing?

"I know you don't want to see me Lena," he said and struggled to sit up, this time succeeding in pushing himself to his feet. "I can go – I just needed somewhere safe to crash for a few hours."

Before Lena could respond, Bucky swayed on his feet and she rushed forward to catch him, the full weight of his body collapsing into her arms. Breathless, she leaned him back onto the couch where he lay, still unconscious.

This is not good, Lena thought, no one with supersoldier strength should be passing out like that, let alone Bucky.

With shaking hands she dialed Joaquín, praying he had a suggestion of where to take Bucky – it's not like she could just walk into any hospital with a half-dead super soldier with a metal arm.

"Magdalena Lierens I was beginning to think you were never going to speak to me again," Joaquín's cheery voice at the other end of the line said.

"Hi, yeah sorry. Just some personal stuff going on," Lena said hurriedly, waving her hand like he could see her, "I need a favor."

"What's wrong?" he said, all the joking gone from his tone when he heard the tension in her voice.

In as few words as possible she explained the situation to him, leaving out the detail scared her more than anything else; even after everything that had happened, she couldn't stand the thought of losing Bucky for real. Up until this point she had thought she could leave him in her past, but staring at him unconscious on her couch she realized that some part of her had only been waiting for him to come back.

---

In what felt like record time, a helicopter was making a somewhat illegal landing on the roof of Lena's apartment building, but that was the least of her problems. In the time that had passed before the whir of helicopter blades hit her ears, Bucky's breathing had become ragged and his lips had started to take on an unnatural blue hue, only fueling Lena's suspicion of a punctured or collapsed lung.

Just as she heard the elevator arrive on her floor, Bucky's eyes fluttered open again, weakly focusing on her, a trace of a smile crossing his features.

"Do you know how much I've missed you doll?" he whispered, his voice strained.

"Bucky," Lena said, her own voice nearly as uneven, "save your breathe, I think you've got a punctured lung."

Bucky shook his head as if being barely able to breath was inconsequential, "Lena I'm sorry for everything. And I know you might not want to hear it anymore, but I love you. I always will. I just want you to know that." He closed his eyes, "just in case- I want you to know that."

Lena's heart lurched but before she had a chance to respond there was a banging on her door and two medics rushed in and to Bucky's side. She stepped back to give them room, everything seeming to be happening too fast for her mind to comprehend. Helpless to do anything but vaguely answer their questions about what happened to him, Lena trailed behind them as they readied Bucky to move. Her mind could not stop focusing on those few words, 'just in case,' as they rode up the elevator and they only seemed to take up more of the space in her mind as the pilot waved a headset in front of her.

Numbly she boarded the helicopter alongside a still unconscious Bucky, her hands cold and shaking for a reason that had nothing to do with the shrill wind whipped up by the helicopter blades.

Despite everything, I love you too, Lena thought, and I hope to god you get to hear me say it.