Night's Warmth

Chapter 19 - Behind Her Facade

[Jewel's POV]

(Earlier at the university)

I walk around anywhere on the campus, trying to distract myself from my argument with Lucas. He's adding more to my already unstable mind right now.

...

Study.. Study.. That's right.. I remember now.. My friends earlier sounded like they were concerned for me when I was laying on my desk. I mumbled "I don't want to study" but they probably didn't understand me.

...

Studying.. I should study for a quiz. Doesn't matter if it's small or isn't recorded in the system. I just want to beat it up.. Huh.. "Beat it up"? What am I even saying??

I feel a bit dizzy as I find my way to the library. I can see the librarian looking at me with a concerned look, but I dismiss her by smiling a little. She doesn't look convinced but shrugs it off.

I sit down at the center of the library and take out some papers from my bag. I begin to read through them and take note of every single word and number. My eyes quickly begin to feel tired, and my head starts hurting, but I don't care. The only thing on my mind is to study.

...

My vision is getting a bit blurry. Why can't I see the paper properly?

Oh.. There's a tear..

Did I accidentally wet it?

Wait.. Am I crying?

I wipe my eyes and see my fingers are covered with water.

Huh. I am crying.

Why am I crying?

...

I'm confused. Why do I feel so weak right now? I have to keep going. I have to be the top. I can't be a failure.

No, no, no. Stop thinking about that.

Just study.

Focus.

Study.

Study.

Study.

...

The paper.. Why can't I see it properly..? Damn it. I can't concentrate.

I try wiping my tears with my sleeves but they won't stop. They keep flowing and falling.

Damn it.

Damn it.

What's wrong with me?

Why am I like this?

I try to force myself to stop and focus on my papers. Nothing matters except my performance. My grades. My rank. I can't hear the sound of the people around me. All I can hear are my own thoughts.

I continue studying, and eventually I stop crying. My eyes are dry and painful. My vision is still blurry. I'm feeling a bit lightheaded.

My head is throbbing, and I feel like I'm going to pass out.

I want to get out of here. But I can't. It's like I imprisoned myself. But.. It's all because of Mother and Father..

They want me to be the top.

No, no. Stop thinking about that.

Study.

I start reading my notes, but the words are all jumbled. It's like the words are moving around.

No, no. Focus.

I need to focus.

Study.

I can't hear the sound of the people around me. I'm just hearing the sounds of the words moving around. They overlap each other. Both my thoughts and the words of the notes all blend into a mushy noise in my head.

Why can't I see the words?

Am I too tired?

Am I going insane?

No, no. Stop thinking about that.

Focus.

Study.

The noises..

They're getting louder and louder..

...

"ARGHHH!"

I slam my paws on the table and the sounds echo throughout the library. I quickly look around to see a few other students and the librarian staring back at me silently. I can hear my breathing, which is quick and heavy.

"I-I'm so sorry..!"

I immediately pack up my things and quickly walk outside the library. My chest is pounding, and I'm finding it difficult to breathe.

Why did I do that?!

I can't believe I'm so pathetic.

...

Since classes are already over, I decide to go home.

My trip back home is uneventful as always. The atmosphere is still tense as always. The serial killer is supposed to be a disturbance to me. But I really don't give a shit about him anymore. University is more important to me.

When I arrive back home, I take off my shoes at the door and walk inside. Mother is watching TV. I try to quietly move past her but it seems she quickly notices me when I hear her call out my name.

"Jewel."

I slowly turn to her, trying to stay composed. "Yes, mother?"

She stares at me. "Did you get the highest score on the quizzes today?"

I sigh. "No. None of the teachers gave us quizzes or seatworks today. Today was full of lectures and group discussions."

Mother furrows her brows, as if she's disappointed towards the fact that we had no quizzes today.

"Oh. Well, make sure you get the highest on the upcoming quizzes. Do not disappoint me, dear. You wouldn't want to get left behind further by your brother, don't you? He's very younger than you, yet he achieved so many feats and is the top of his SCHOOL. Meanwhile, you're just the top of your own class. It's sad to see that you're losing to a boy. How embarrassing."

I stay silent. Mother's expression then changes.

"Do not fail me, Jewel. Understood?"

I take a deep breath and reply.

"Yes, Mother."

Mother nods, satisfied, and continues watching her show. I immediately go upstairs to my room.

When I enter my room, I close the door and lay on my bed, feeling very frustrated.

Why can't she understand that I'm doing my best? Why can't she appreciate my efforts?

...

At least Father's still at work. I don't want him to add insult to injury.

After changing my clothes, I immediately go to my study desk and study all of my lectures. I keep re-reading all of my notes. I end up taking my study pills again just to focus more further.

...

[Lucas' POV]

(Meanwhile)

After leaving the campus, I decide to take a casual walk around town to clear my mind.

I feel a bit guilty about my argument with Jewel and Alex.

Jewel and Alex have been trying to help me with the recent killings. Jewel has always been a try-hard, and she always gets the top, but Alex is just a sweet and kindhearted friend. I didn't mean to hurt them with my outburst.

Something's lately happening to me. Someone-

"!!"

I suddenly feel one hand grab my shirt and another one cover my mouth and I get flung into an alley. I feel myself get pinned against a wall and as my whole body shakes and I struggle to make any sound, I look at the person pinning me and I hear her familiar voice.

"Lucas~"

Her voice is soft, and yet it sends chills down my spine. She chuckles softly but creepily.

"Can you find me someone who can be my replacement?~"