Undone [Completed]

Undone: [Twenty]

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Twenty

Nick

I’d pushed too hard, and now, instead of daring to look at the beautiful ravine that he’d been afraid to look down towards, I’d sent him hurtling towards it.

“Yes, I’m sure! It was just the frikkin’ weather. I’m fine, everything’s fine, and you don’t need to keep trying to make sure!”

Those were the words I heard when he’d apologized. The ‘there hadn’t been any need for me to be so rude’ had only served to up the volume on the words still ringing fresh in my head, and his ‘I’m sorry’ was something actually heard, but hadn’t been able to process immediately.

I’d still been too astounded, just like I had been the day before when his sudden outburst had caught me off guard and stunned beyond words. Just the way he said it first had been enough to send shockwaves off within, and then the meaning behind his words had been like the tsunami after the earthquake. The initial rocking hadn’t been as intense as the crash down of waves – pummeling you down all at once, leaving you helpless to do anything but accept it.

I’d tried to fight anyway though, like a man in the Pacific who can’t swim – a survival instinct, if you like, but I’d been cut short, and if anything, I’d only made matters worse. I’d pushed him to a new level of livid by trying to say that I was only trying to – I cringed at the two words now – ‘make sure’ – and he hadn’t appreciated it.

 “And I told you, it’s nothing! Just take my word for once, alright?”

I should have seen it coming though.

I’d thought about it after getting home, of course I had, and it had come to me that he’d given me enough hints even before this, all the times he’d shrugged it off and tried to change the topic…only I hadn’t seen them right. I’d been more concerned about what was going on than with what he wanted, and never once considered that there could be consequences.

“I’m not a handicap, Nick. Not in that way, and I’d really appreciate it if you just backed off for a bit.”

Stupid, stupid, stupid! Why had I even gone that far? He’d stopped with the self-harm and he certainly wasn’t a child, and if he’d wanted to tell me, he would have, but no, I just had to push. It served me right for playing with fire. The closer you got, the more likely you were to get burnt, so it shouldn’t have been any surprise that I’d been scorched after stepping right into it.

Nevertheless, I couldn’t help but feel, acknowledge, and allow myself to experience the resentment bubbling up. It had done so on many occasions before, but I’d just pretended it hadn’t existed, and chastised myself for even letting it go there, but enough was enough.

I’m overdoing it with the analogies, but hey, even on the slowest heat, milk does boil over at some point.

 “Quit worrying, and…look, Lani’s waiting for you.”

If that’s what he wanted, then fine.  He’d ceased to be interested in our friendship, it felt like, long before any of this had happened, and if he wanted me to devote time to my girlfriend instead, then fine. I wasn’t going to chase after him. That’s exactly what I’d do.

Or rather, that’s exactly what I’d told myself that I’d do; I couldn’t just let it go.

“Hey kiddo, what’s wrong?”

“Is it that obvious?” I groaned, and shut my eyes, allowing my head to fall backwards into the sofa head.

I felt it, the sofa that is, beside me give a little under her weight, the change in pressure, and her hand patting my knee. “I’m your mother, Nick. Everything is obvious to me.”