It was a night filled with thoughts and emotions. Breathing through my nose was hard. Even if I was healthy I second guessed any health away when my heart started hurting bad. I'm sane I swear.... But who am I to really judge and lie to when the world is a shitty as my emotions. My life is full of love and choices to choose for. The one I was making right now one of my hardest. I had time to still say no and stay away from them and live in place that was in a way suffocating me at the same time. Let me hear your voice and leave this place.. Take me away before the place I go to has a dark end. My mind already chose all of this before I did. I agreed with no problem because it was with her.. We cried together at night while holding each other and promising everything would be alright. Try and be positive is my number one motto. Hypocritical if you ask me. That's what I am with myself every single time imagines of the one thing I want to do cross my mind. Nothing was supposed to happen this way, there was an orderly way to do it and it wasn't done.
Lying in bed with tears streaming down my face... Just made me want to be held. Whisper whatever you want to me at this point. If at the end it turns out to lead to something more I won't stop you. Make me forget. Start over with a lie that will turn into the truth faster than I can handle because I need it. I just need that security blanket around my shoulders and random pecks on my face. Needy I am but not without a fault. Kiss me and hold me. If this is why sex is something done when insecure now I understand it. Make love to me till the sun rises then let's shower. Warm water massaging our sore body, cleaning us from the dirty deeds hidden away. Let's go to bed together and spoon till late afternoon to rumbling stomachs and smiles.
Love and quietness will be okay at the moment, just don't forget I'm needy. Needy for attention and emotional release.
Love me because I don't...
A mirror and mask hide yet show the monster within. A reflection I won't escape.
Love me for me..
At night when I drool, think it's cute and take a picture to show me in the morning. I'll complain about my looks but you'll look at me and tell me I'm beautiful. After hours have passed and you've noticed I haven't eaten, you bring me a piece of fruit or a bag of strawberries and sit next to me. You look at me and smile before you ask me what I want to eat. At night when I break down you'll warm up the bath water and fill it up with bubble to have some child time to ourselves. You don't say anything...just hold me and squeeze the occasional rubber ducky on my face to squirt me with water. You help me get ready for bed, even going as far as brushing me teeth and put my warm pjs on. I watch as you do the same for yourself and wait for you to finish patiently. A kiss makes me smile a bit. A soft I love you escapes your lips while starring at my eyes. You lower yourself down to pick me up like a princess and tuck us in into bed.
I love these nights the most..
They only happen in my dreams when I fall asleep crying heavy.
I love you.
I don't know who you're going to be but I'm here waiting. I'll meet you soon I know that. I'll try to make the choice a positive one at the end.
I love you my somebody before I loved myself..
YOU ARE READING
Metanoia
Acak" Is there nothing left than to walk away?" " No... there isn't anything else than this." "We can make it work just give it a chance!" There is nothing to work if with if the one walking away is dead....
