Stand Up and Walk

To See Them Smile at Us

"Can't focus; my body is still puzzled about what to do. I'm trembling; I can't stop even if I try to control myself. Although neither sun nor moon are on my side, I've got no choice but to try... Those were the words I muttered to myself. The odds aren't on my side, but running away would be weakness. Even if I can't see the future, I'll just have to win it over with courage. I need to keep distance from the targets as I hold myself back. All that's needed for victory is pride to win! Will we celebrate with the wine of victory? Or will we end up kissing their feet in defeat? There are two outcomes to everything... I want to control destiny! I need to seize this golden opportunity with my hands! I'll finish it up with my best poker face, and drag them into a world of illusions. I'll find my way out of this endless pressure game, and leap over the borderline of honor. How many? What will I need to sacrifice to make it happen? What's the one thing I don't want to let go of?"

—Sukima Switch, Golden Time Lover

※※※

"Why do you want it?" Hawkeye asks you, leaning forward with her elbows on the table. "Aren't you and the boys against this kind of thing?"

You're seated around the dining room table in her apartment, and she stares at you appraisingly, her large brown eyes searching.

You glance away, scratching the back of your head. "We met the man who made the homunculi," you explain to her slowly, shifting in your seat. "We came out of Gluttony's stomach and we were just... right in front of the guy. We knew that we had to stop him, but..." You swallow, uncomfortable with the fresh memory. "...But he was so strong, and then he did something to take our alchemy away!" you whisper, and the woman's face tightens slightly with surprise.

"It was... horrible," you shudder, hair rising on the back of your neck at the memory. "I put my hands together and there was just... nothing inside of me. It was terrifying! I was completely and totally powerless—I couldn't do anything to help! I was...!" You cut yourself off, face screwing up as your hidden truth bubbles up a little too close to your lips. Taking a deep breath, you shove it back down, beating your feelings back with a stick.

"...I was weak," you say finally, your voice hushed, staring down at your metal fingers as you toy with the mug in front of you.

Weak! whispers the little voice in your head. You're weak, powerless; helpless, hopeless! You're useless! Needless!

"Weak," you whisper again, glancing at the gun on the table between you. "And then I remembered that I had this, and it was—it was something I could do, something I could control; something I could use! And so I pulled it out, and I aimed at him right between the eyes, and...! And I...!"

...You're a killer!

"You pulled the trigger."

A murderer!

A monster!

You shudder again. "Yes," you agree, clenching your flesh fist in your lap. "Yes, I did. I didn't even hesitate—I was ready to kill him."

Hawkeye opens her mouth to respond, but you're on a roll now, the words flowing out of you like smoke. "But I—I had to!" you stammer, trying to explain, trying to justify. "He—he was going to kill Ling, and then...! And then he wanted to turn him into a homunculus! And he said that he wasn't going to hurt the rest of us, but how could I know for sure if he was telling the truth? His homunculi have beaten us senseless before! And besides, he plans to 'sacrifice' us in the future anyway, and we don't even know for what...!"