Heart Mediation

Did you love me just because you had to?

I often think about whether you loved me just because you felt you had to. At first, everything seemed great. We had fun together, and I felt like we really clicked. I remember all those laughs we shared and how you made me feel special. But as time went on, things started to feel different, and I began to question everything.

In the beginning, being with you was exciting. I enjoyed your company, and I thought we were building something real. But slowly, I started to notice that you were pulling away. I'd reach out, trying to connect, but it felt like you were slipping through my fingers. The more I tried to get closer, the more distant you seemed to become. It made me wonder if I was just chasing something that wasn't really there.

There were moments when I'd look into your eyes and see a kind of emptiness. Our conversations became awkward, and your laughter felt forced. It was like you were just going through the motions, pretending to be happy while your heart was somewhere else. That realization hit me hard because I wanted to believe we had something special. I wanted to feel like we were both in this together.

The hardest part was when you told me you loved me, but it didn't feel real. Those words used to make me happy, but over time, they felt empty. I began to wonder if you were saying it because you felt obligated. It hurt to think that you might have felt trapped into loving me instead of doing it out of genuine feelings. I had invested so much of myself in our relationship, hoping you felt the same way.

When we eventually broke up, I felt a mix of relief and sadness. I knew we couldn't keep going like this, but it hurt to realize the love I wanted wasn't really there. I wanted a connection that felt strong and safe, but it felt like we were on shaky ground. Accepting that was tough, and it left me feeling lost.

Now, I still ask myself, "Did you love me just because you had to?" That question keeps spinning in my head. I think back to our time together, trying to figure out where things went wrong. It makes me feel like I was just someone to fill a space in your life, and that stings. I want to believe I'm worth more than that, but deep down, I'm scared I wasn't really valued.

Even as I try to move on, those memories keep coming back. I wish I could find a love that feels real and free, not just something someone feels obligated to do. It's hard to shake the feeling that I was never truly seen or appreciated for who I am. Right now, it just feels like a distant hope, and it hurts to think about what could have been.

Sometimes, the hardest thing to accept is that you were never really loved, just tolerated.