But I'm sure about you (Harry Styles fanfic)

Reunited

          I had my doubts about it but when I saw him standing at my front door I knew it: he was starting to feel something again. And I was just as frightened as him, if not worse. When I was close enough to see him, I didn't think I've ever seen someone so vulnerable, so broken but so strong at the same time. I haven't seen or heard from him in so long and there he is standing in front of my door, head pressed against it, tears in his eyes but probably the widest smile he's had ever since that day. I didn't even know what to say. Anything could cause him a breakdown. And I didn't have the power to handle watching him sobbing in my arms again. So, instead of saying something, I just sat down next to him and it was no surprise to me when he put his head on my lap. This used to calm him down so easily.
        

          "I felt today. I came here right after but you were out so I just waited for you. I've waited for about one hour. I know it's crazy but I couldn't help it. I have to tell you about this. About Her." he whispered. I don't remember him ever sounding so helpless. At the same time, my heart broke in a million pieces when he spoke.
         

          "Let's go inside, huh?" I felt his smile against my thigh before he lifted himself up and helping me up as well. As we walked inside the cosy living room I heard him letting out a deep breath.
         

         "You know that even if I've been a jerk to you in the past months, I need you. I fucking need you. And I know you needed me and I wasn't there and I'm sorry but I need you. I
need you to listen to me and be there for me in spite of all my shit because you seem to know me better than almost anyone and your voice could calm the oceans and I need you to tell me it's going to be ok and that we'll get through it, together."
         

          I don't even know what to tell him. I should be confronting him for letting me down when I needed him most but I know what he's been through and I just can't blame him for building a brick wall around his soul, probably one of the most wonderful souls I've ever met. I only feel tears coming out of my eyes. But what surprises me most is the fact that I don't cry out of anger or hurt feelings, not even out of relief. I cry because he finally feels something. He truly feels something and I don't remember ever feeling so happy for someone else before.
        

          "You feel. You feel something." I sound so desperate like my life depended on him feeling. With a smile he walks over to me and hugs me and it feels so foreign. It's been so long since he was so close to me or anyone else really and I'm just so happy for him I can't even comprehend it.
         

          "I need to talk  to you about it. About that day. I.... I think it's the only way I can get over it."
         

          "I.... I don't think I can do that. I mean yes talking about it is definitely the best thing you can do in order to move on but I can't watch you having a breakdown again." my voice is trembling and I start to consider the possibility of having a breakdown myself. "I had nightmares with you breaking down for weeks I don't think I can go through that again." He doesn't say anything. He just stares at me and smiles.
        

          "Come here." he says and opens his arms for me. I graciously step into them and him holding me like this  is probably the best medicine. "I can't lose you. Not again. I never wanted you to have those, you know that, don't you? I  mean I would never do anything to hurt you please remember that. You're the closest thing I have to family right now." I think my eyes are full of tears by the time he stops speaking and I think he notices too since he starts singing. I remember when we were younger I used to sing to him when he was told news about her and couldn't stop crying. "We've been through worse Ella. We'll be fine. I'll make sure of it ok?"
         

          "I don't know what to say. This should be the other way around. I should be supporting you. And yet..." I am cut off by his voice.
         

          "You lost the person you trusted most that day. I know how you felt when I walked out the door without looking back. I know now that I should have stayed, that it would have been easier for both of us to move on but I decided to be a coward and leave expecting everything to just disappear. And I know what you had to go through alone and I am really fucking sorry for letting you deal with everything on your own but for some reason I just couldn't hear anything about her. I think I kind of blamed myself for what had happened to her but I loved her so much and seeing you all remembering her just made me feel worse about it because I was sure I was responsible for everything. You know, even if you never noticed, I've been watching you for the past weeks and honestly, you are the strongest person I've ever met. I haven't even once seen you crying or being sad even. You were always just so happy and inspiring. You seemed so full of life and powerful yet inside you were broken in a million pieces. I think seeing you that way was what helped me come and talk to you and tell you about everything. And today when I felt, I felt guilt and love at the same time. Love for you. I love you, Ella." he says and presses his lips against mine.

          I think I can literally feel all my broken pieces being glued back together as one. There are so many emotions that I'm feeling right now, I can't even process it. I feel like I could faint any minute but something told me that if I fell, he would be there to catch me and that was probably the best feeling in the world.
        

           It could be like this forever I thought: our lips pressed together, our breathings synchronized, the feeling of our hearts beating in the same rythm.
         

          My thoughts were interrupted by his lips detaching from mine and my eyes staring into his green ones. I was speechless, unable to make not as much as a coherent word. So, instead of speaking, I just smiled. I smiled at him just like a 5 years old smiled at a new fucking Christmas present. Then he was the one who broke the silence betweet us.
       

           "I... I'm sorry abut this. I'm reallly confused right now and I just don't know what to do and how to handle all this. I just... I'm really sorry Ella, please forgive me."
         

          And with that he got up and walked out the door. I was still sitting on the couch, petrified. What the fuck just happened? Why did he kiss me? Why did I like it? Why did he leave afterwards? WHAT THE FUCK?!