But I'm sure about you (Harry Styles fanfic)

Stories

Ella's POV.

I sit opposite the table from Harry, staring in his eyes. I can tell by his expression that he is just as scared as me and that kind of makes me feel slightly better.

"So..." I start but I'm unable to finish my sentence and he raises his eyebrow at me.

"El you can't even form a coherent question. You yourself don't know what you want to know or what to ask me so why do you put yourself through this? You're not making it any better." Harry says calmly.

"I need to do this. I don't trust myself around you because I don't know you and I'm trying to..." he cuts me off immidiately.

"You don't know me? I told you everything about Jen and why I couldn't look any of you in the eye. I told you everything about me. And you dare to say you don't fucking know me?!" he yells at me.

"You told me nothing ok? You just told me that you killed her, well kind of. But that's all. You never told me why you left Holmes Chapel, why you left your family, what you've been doing ever since, how you managed to finance yourself and throw parties at your mansion, not to mention how you got the money for it and how you afford living there, who cleans up, how you earn the money for it or what you do for a living. You may be the CEO of some company but you may as well be killing people for the money you have. So yes Harry I know nothing about you and that scares the living breath out of me." I yell even louder waiting for him to answer.

Harry's POV

There was no way I am going to answer all those questions honestly. I couldn't even if I wanted to. Not if I wanted her around at least.

"So all you care about is how I get my money?" I ask smiling.

"No you prick. That's one of the things of course but there's much more." she says.

"Well I started working as an intern at an IT company 5 years ago and ever since I've been promoted almost monthly. I'm in the board right now and earn quite a lot of money. You can say I'm the CEO'S right hand." or I'm blackmailing him into it but that she doesn't need to know.

"Wow. I never knew you were good at that stuff." she said seeming curious for more and it's like she had me under some spell.

"It started more like a hobby. I was curious of Jen's twitter account, yes I was jealous as hell but you can't blame me, and I was trying to guess her password. From there I guess it grew bigger and bigger and I started learning IT not planning on using it for stalking anymore. So I took a course and after that I got the internship and from there you know what happened." I found a way to use computers to my own pleasure.

"So you don't kill people as a job?" she teased me.

"Not yet love." I smirked. Well close to it actually.

"That's too bad. I prefer bad guys but it looks like I'm stuck with you Dexter." El teased me and I couldn't help but laugh my lungs out.

"All you have to do is ask." I dare her smirking. "Anyway. Enough about me. What have you been up to lately?" I ask carefully and she stiffens. "Hey. What's going on El?" I encouraged her.

"After the funeral, I couldn't get over it and my mum knew way too few about her so I wasn't able to talk to her. You were the only one that knew everything about her and when I tried to call you, you didn't answer, then your mum told me she hadn't seen you for a month but you have been writing her weekly telling her you were ok and not to look for you. After about 3 months your letters were starting to be more and more rare until they stopped. That's when it cought me up. All the pain and memories you know? So I started losing my appetite and I slowly was unable to sleep. In about a week I couldn't eat or sleep at all and after about a week I passed out at school. I was unconscious for about a day. When I woke up, the only thing I wanted was to see you at the hospital. But you never came. And it made me realise that I was not helping anyone by not eating and sleeping. Soon after I left the hospital everyone at school thought I was a drug addict as well and what haplened was actually because of an overdose. They started mocking me and easily it turned into bullying. And that's when I decided I've had enough. My parents arranged for me to live with my aunt here and changed schools and I have been living a perfectly normal life ever since."

Ok I certainly wasn't expecting this when I asked her how she's been. But still... Hearing about what she's been through while I was partying my life out, not giving a shit about anyone else. True fact, I wasn't sober long enough to even remember the people I left behind. Still, I feel guilty as hell. And now, watching her big blue eyes trying to seem strong but wetter than usual, it only makes it worse. I just can't stand the space between us right now as I walk over to her an wrap my arms around her tiny body and she leans into me.

"I'm so sorry El. I really am. I never knew about any of this. If I had known, I would have acted totally different. Please try to understand this." I whisper into her neck as I inhale her addictive scent and I feel her smile against my chest.

"It's fine really. It's not your fault. I'm over it anyway." she assures me but I don't buy it.

"No Ella it's not fine at all. I should never walk away like that. I should have kept in touch with you or something. It's not okay that you had to deal with it on your own. Please let me make it up to you. Let me be here for you. Give me the chance to even try to pay it back. You won't have to worry about anything ok love? Just please..." I think I'm going to cry of we don't stop soon.

"What are you talking about? What do you want to do?" she asks surprised. What am I asking really? I don't know myself.

"I have no fucking clue myself actually. I want to take care of you. But not the way you take care of a child but the way you take care of someone more than necessarily friends." I say as if I'm asking her is that's what I mean.

"What?! No Harry. Sorry but no. You can't do that." she says and takes a few stept back, taking my heart with her.

"Ella you can't fucking do that! I can't lose you... not again. Please. I need you ok? After everything that's happened I need you to let me be here ok? I beg you don't push me away."

"Hear me out ok? Please. You won't ever lose me ok?" she suggests and I'm willing to take whatever I can get. "Listen I get your point but I'm not sure if it's the best thing. I don't want to lose you again andd we both know sooner or later we will break up and I'm not sure I can lose you again without losing myself in the process as well. Not even for a temporary relationship ok? You can take care of me if that's what you want but I can't start a relationship with you right now. Actually, I think I'd like that you know? Being taken care of? It souns sweet and appealing to me." El smiles hopefully at me and I lose my words.

I get where she's coming from and I do agree with her. Even so, I would make anything on Earth not to ever break up with her if we were to date. But she did say "I can't start a relationship with you right now." so there is hope. Maybe later, once I get her to trust me more and rebuild everything I have destroyed, she'll give in. I walk to her and hug her tight but carefull not to break her fragile body.

"You're mine love, ok? Forever babygirl." I assure her and kiss her sweet spot just at the base of her neck earning a quiet moan from her and I feel myself harden immidiately. I don't know how I'll be albe to keep my hands away from her for much longer.

"Come. Let's get you in bed. You look tired." I smile as I carry her bridal style to her bedroom and wrap her in the covers before climbing in next to her and drift off to sleep.