Batman | Wildcard

1

Click, snap, lock. Usual routine for me. I wake up, a bowl of oatmeal is slid through the hatch and everyone starts complaining about how there's no sugar in it...then, I'm dragged from my postage stamp of a cell to the medical facility for 'routine tests.' Click, snap, lock. I watch the doctors secure the metal restraints around my body, taking great pleasure in seeing me in such a vulnerable state.  Like I said, a usual routine, I'd appreciate the sugar on the oatmeal, but there you go. Anyway... today's gonna be different.

"Sharp scratch, mister Joker."

Joker giggled quietly, making eye contact with the young intern holding the needle in her shaking hand. "Say, Doc, have you ever heard the one about the nervous giraffe?" He grinned, twisting himself in the restraints. "N-no, I haven't." She stuttered, trying to keep focus as she aimed the needle at the Joker’s arm. “Great!” He exclaimed, twisting again, revelling in the anxiety he could inject into her mundane routine. “So this giraffe walks into a bar, right? And he’s so tall he can’t even see the counter. He asks the bartender, ‘What’s on your specials today?’ and the bartender says, ‘Nothing that concerns you!’" The guards rolled their eyes and shared a collective sigh. The matron nurse tightened her grip on her clipboard, unimpressed. "Focus." She hissed at the intern, only fueling her anxiety. "Don't let him get to you." The deranged clown locked eyes with the doctor again, his signature grin creeping across his face. "R-right, back to business," She gulped silently and took a cotton swab to his arm. "You know the hardest part about being a giraffe, Doc?" Joker asked, testing the limits of the straps as he wriggled. She sighed. "What?" She replied, uncapping the needle. "Finding a friend on your level!" With that, he threw his head back with laughter, making the bed shake and causing the doctor to drop the needle. "Shit!" She cursed herself, leaning down to pick it up. "Give it to me." The matron growled, snatching it from her shaking hand. "Alright, comedian, sharp scratch."  She jammed the needle in, catching the Joker off guard and causing him to yelp. "Ooh, not so hard toots, I bruise easy." He giggled. "Get his blood pressure done then out of my sight." The matron ordered to the intern before storming off. "Tough crowd." Joker grinned. He glanced at the clock and let out a little chuckle. "Showtime."

The door to the medical facility flew open, startling everyone.  Two office workers burst in, red faced and out of breath. "Rat! We saw a rat in the penitentiary, the inmates are going crazy up there!" One shouted. Joker listened intently, his homemade mechanical rodent had worked a treat. "Where is security? Can't you see I'm busy with a patient?" The matron asked. "I can wait, Doc. What's happening upstairs sounds serious." He said with a smile. She turned to the intern and the guards at the door. "Watch him, do not take your eyes off of him." She slipped her gloves off and headed for the door. "This will only take a minute."

"You heard her, watch that freak." The elder guard snorted to the intern. Joker winked at her playfully and began putting his plan into action. Using a paperclip he'd stashed in his sleeve, he began picking at the metal belt strapped snugly over his waist. He saw the intern staring at him, unaware of what he was doing. "Cat got your tounge, toots? You can talk to me." He purred, trying to distract her. But she didn't answer, she followed her orders and just watched him. Joker thought on his feet and shouted out: "there's one! The little buggers have gotten in here!" To his surprise it worked, the staff looked up in a frenzy, expecting to see a rat. Joker laughed and released the belt. He sat forward and kicked the lever on the chair, releasing the other restraints and leapt free.

"Where's Joker?"

"Oh God! I only looked away for a second and I-"

"Find him!"

"Hee hee," The clown grinned, sliding the vent cover off and clambering inside. "It's time for us crazies to have a little fun." He heard the staff running around the room, checking behind every corner and chair to no avail. The intern hit the emergency button, and an alarm rang out around the asylum.

Joker chuckled to himself as he heard the commotion. Filled with a buzzing feeling of adrenaline, he forced another vent cover open and dropped through the gap. "Ooh, guard's room." He purred, rubbing his hands together. So many choices were presented to him, take over the intercom? Read the patient files? Raid the refrigerator for decent food? His eyes fell upon a newspaper, discarded thoughtlessly on the floor by the chair. "I wonder what's going on in Gotham while I'm stuck here? Can't be as exciting without me." He swiped the paper up and plonked himself on one of the chairs. After flicking through a few pages, he stopped on a double page spread. "Batman gets caught in firey blaze? Oh ho! Too bad I missed that." He continued to read until he stopped on the other page. There was a picture of Harley Quinn...and the subheading mentioned about her being caught up in the fire. He ran a dirty finger over the picture. "My puddin'...no..." He gasped, feeling his heart break.

"He's in here! On the ground, freak!"

Joker dropped the paper and stood, hands in the air. "Tell me," He began, getting onto his knees and placing his hands behind his head. "Is Harley...dead?" The security men snorted. "How should we know? Arkam would be a better place without her anyway." Joker's nostrils flared angrily. "How dare you?" He snarled. "Yeah yeah," another chuckled, cocking his tranquiliser gun. "Nighty night, freak."