Dearest, In My Memories | JAECHAN

one.

Dear Jaeyoon,

10:00 A.M. — Later today, I’m going to meet with you at Youngbin's bakery. How I have longed to see you, to share the same space as you, even though it's only been a few days since you had gone away to see family. I miss the flower’s bloom and the never-ending sunshine of your eyes as they crinkle at the corners with your smile.

We briefly talked about what we'll get at the bakery, but at the moment, neither of us know what kind of pastry we’ll get once we're actually there, but with you, that has never mattered. As long as we're together, we enjoy everything and anything. And occasionally, share a mutual disgust.

I remember one time, Inseong burned his pancakes. You kept insisting they were going to be fine, that it'll simply just be an extra crunch and toasted flavor. I kept telling you they were going to taste BURNT, and what did you say:

“It's fiiiine.”

Well, guess who also gagged, hollowed out his cheeks, and coughed out the crisped charcoal of a failed pancake. Which led to a defeated sigh from Inseong. Should've listened to me. Hmph.

3:45 P.M. — I’m here now, at Youngbin's bakery, after taking a taxi to get here. After all, I've yet to get past my stubbornness to drive. (Inseong tells me it's useful, but I've seen too many accidents - and heard of accidents - and I'd rather not learn!)

I have a hunch you're already here, feeling your eyes as I wander down the aisles of deliciously displayed pastries, from rice cakes, pressed cookies, red bean mochi and so much more. I wonder what you plan on getting this time, I'm never able to guess correctly.

You often beat me to places we hang out at, sometimes tease me about it too. But whenever I was early, ooh, that was the most fun for me—

Ah. That's the sound of your melodic voice.

7:35 P.M. — You were smiling when you met my eyes through the display case of the fish-shaped pastries. There was that twinkle I missed getting lost in. I wouldn't need to go to outer space with you at my side.

You surprised me today. You got a walnut cookie, which you had once said you were scared to taste because… “what if a walnut gets stuck in my throat?”

“But Jae,” I had told you, “it's already baked into the cookie…”

“Well!” You cleared your throat, sitting straight as ever. “You never know.” Your eyes had met mine.

Youngbin laughed at you that day. Not in a condescending way, but simply his “really?” kind of laugh. And you just glared at him, with that little pout.

Do you remember that day?

To be honest, I've been wanting to get a new job. I might ask Youngbin if I can work there for the meantime. Learn to bake. I know he's always bringing in new recipes whenever his workers are in, pitching stuff to him, so maybe I can learn a thing or two.

Bake you something you'll love.

8:37 P.M. — I can hear the sound of water rushing down the hall. I thought you were going to nap, but I suppose you decided to shower first. I can imagine how tiresome, hot even, the trip back must've been. I did think I saw some sweat dripping down the side of your forehead earlier.

But you kept on smiling at me, never switching to a frown or a grunt or anything.

I always find myself smiling with you.

With love and ready to snuggle,
Chanhee