"You’re really good at your job."
I sincerely praised my older sister. I usually think of Re as my older sister, not my boss. Today was another occasion where we worked together, and I saw many new sides of her. Honestly, I couldn’t help but feel a little irritated with our father for neglecting his eldest daughter like this.
"What is this? We’ve talked about work so many times, and now you’re suddenly praising me?"
"I wanted to say this from the beginning, but I couldn’t. So, I had to say it now."
"Well, you’re good at what you do too."
"But not as good as you."
"If you asked me to plan a product photoshoot or create an advertisement for handbags, I wouldn’t be able to do it either. Fish are good at swimming, but they can’t fly; if you asked a bird to swim, it wouldn’t be able to either."
"Well said… oh!"
I paused for a moment as we passed a jewelry display at the mall. Re noticed and looked over with a smile.
"Since when did you become interested in jewelry like that?"
"Since I started feeling like getting married."
"You've wanted to get married for a while, haven't you?"
"Not as intensely as now, when I want to show commitment."
I looked at a simple ring with a small diamond pendant on display, admiring it.
"Love really changes people."
"It's surprising that this is happening to me, huh?"
"Everyone can feel love, but it's a little unexpected to see you taking this relationship more seriously than anyone else in the family, even me.
My older sister said, smiling, which made me curious enough to ask.
"Don't you ever think about marriage?"
"I'm leaving that to Jao-jom. Right now, I'm just trying to keep things simple. If Jao-jom wants to get married, I'll get married. If not, that's okay too, because we're already living together as if we were married."
Honestly, Re’s perspective was straightforward, but my situation was a little different, as my partner also wanted to show commitment. So, our shared desires made it feel right, and it didn’t feel so wrong to be looking at rings.
Out of everyone, I’m probably the most scared when it comes to love. Maybe it’s because of past experiences with the people around me, or maybe it’s the pain of losing my father. I can’t handle separation, so whenever there’s attachment involved, I tend to retreat, protecting myself to avoid too much pain.
And it’s not just people. Even our family dog, I don’t go near. I remember when Re brought home a small pet the size of my palm.
"This will be Mommy’s youngest daughter and the newest member of the family. Her name is… Mumu."
Mom didn’t mind, but still welcomed the four-legged creature with open arms. My brother Ong, who loves all things cute, eagerly played with her without hesitation. I was the only one there, just staring at her. Even though I thought she was cute, I refused to interact with her.
"Aren't you going to play with her?"
"No, I... don't like animals."
"So, I ran to my room and didn't even think about holding Mumu, not even once."
You can call me cold-hearted, but I know myself well enough to protect myself from pain. People see me smiling easily, laughing a lot, with lots of friends. I practice judo and have lots of guy friends. But in reality, I'm incredibly sensitive. Just watching a scene of a pet dying in a movie makes me cry a lot, and I avoid movies like that as much as possible.
