As Marjorie arrived home and settled into her sofa there was only one thing she wanted to do. After the conversation she had with Autumn she needed advice from someone who had been where she was, Siobhan. Marjorie sat as her phone rang and tried to think but she couldn't think about anything other than what Autumn had said. That she had feelings for Marjorie. She thought that those words would make her feel better but they didn't. They left her even more confused than before.
"Hello? It's 11pm, this better be important." Siobhan croaked, the tiredness clear in her voice. Marjorie snapped out of her thoughts and lifted her phone to her ear. "Autumn just told me she has feelings for me." All she got in response for a moment was the sound of footsteps and a door shutting. "Right, what on earth have I missed?" She replied, a yelling whisper. Marjorie lifted her wine to her lips and sighed as she took a sip, she was going to need it. Marjorie explained everything that had happened since they had last spoke, from finding out that Autumn and Sara had gone home together to Autumn showing up at her place and eventually their conversation at the cafe earlier that day. The other side of the phone was dead silent for about 30 seconds after Marjorie finished speaking. It felt so long that the woman checked if she had accidentally hung up. "Hello?" She said, listening the feedback from the phone line. "What the fuck Marjorie? How could you not tell me all of that? I knew you'd been acting off." Siobhan finally said from other end of the line.
Marjorie swirled her glass, watching as the wine danced in circles, droplets running down in purple-ish red streaks. She tried to listen to the advice from the other woman but it was as if every word that hit her ear ricocheted off her and dissipated. She couldn't process anything other than the fact that Autumn had feelings for her. She should feel happy, she should be excited about the start of something new but all she felt was resentment. Resentment for the fact that Autumn knew for certain how she felt, she knew that she wanted to be with Marjorie and in her words, she 'doesn't do feelings'. Marjorie couldn't even figure out if she wanted Autumn to be interested in her let alone if she was interested in women.
"How did you know you liked Vivian?" She asked, trying to turn her thoughts into something productive. "I've told you this before. My entire life I had been forced to be something I wasn't. I had convinced myself that I could be happy pushing down who I truly was if I was married to a rich man. Then I met Vivian and I realised that she was it for me, that I didn't want to be in this life if it wasn't by her side. It took a while for me to fully let myself feel that but deep down I knew I loved her." Siobhan said, sighing contentedly.
Marjorie's mind wondered to her childhood, her confirmation. She often thought about this day fondly, remembering her family and friends around her, all of them there to support and celebrate her. This time she remembered something that part of her had pushed down. She walked between the pews and behind the altar stage before her ceremony. She had planned to meet her friends there so they could hang out before they all had to sit in a stuffy church for hours. As she rounded the corner, she noticed only one of her friends was there, Cara. The two of them greeted each other and Marjorie asked where the others were. Her friend explained that she told them not to come and that she needed to tell her something important. Marjorie told her to go ahead and when she noticed her friend acting nervous, she assured her that no matter what, she wouldn't judge her. Cara explained how she had a a crush but it wasn't a regular crush, it was on a girl. At first Marjorie was shocked that she would admit that but then she hugged her friend, placing a hand on the back of her head and looking into her eyes. She told her that god loved her no matter what.
Cara pressed her forehead against Marjorie's and their eyes met. Marjorie's heart began racing as their eyes traveled to each others lips, her breath catching in her throat as their noses began to touch and her eyes beginning to close as their lips got closer to touching. Their lips brushed and suddenly Marjorie felt herself being pulled away by her shoulders. As she turned around, she realised it was her Sunday school teacher. He began to berate her for what she had done. His words burned in her ears, that what she had done was against nature, against god. That she was risking not only her place in the Catholic Church, but her entrance to heaven. How her family would be so disappointed in her, how much shame she would bring upon them in the community. Her eyes welled up with tears but not because of what was being said, not because she was in trouble, not even because she was caught, but because she saw Cara's mother dragging her by her arm out of the building. This was all her fault.
"Marjorie? You still there?" Marjorie jumped out of her skin as she heard Siobhan's voice. She wiped the tears from her face and cleared her throat. "Yeah. I'm still here." She replied as she tried to collect her thoughts. Every thing she had ever thought about herself was a lie. She was always 'boy crazy Marjorie', the girl who always had a new boyfriend in secondary school, the girl who's walls were covered in posters of boy bands, the girl who only ever thought about what boy she would look good with, the girl who only ever 'liked' boys that she knew liked her, the girl who spent every waking moment of her teenage years thinking about Cara. Had she really been pushing these feelings down her entire life? She downed the last drop of her wine and dropped her head in her hands.
"Who am I?"
———
A/N
Definitely didn't cry while writing that memory bit of the chapter lol
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Masquerade || A Marjumn Story
FanfictionThe masquerade ball at the Knight Family Estate was set to be the same as it was every year. Autumn arrived thinking she would spend the night wallowing alone and god was she wrong.
