Pucks and Pirouettes

Chapter 33 | Fine line

A.N. Hey everyone, this chapter deals with parental loss, grief, and mentions of abuse. Reader discretion is advised. 

"It started in middle school.", Becca said matter-of-factly. Her gaze was fixed on the floor in front of her, and she was playing with my fingers in her lap. She hadn't broken physical contact since we had entered her house.

"My uncle and I had just moved here, and I didn't know anyone. Sam had decided to move us further out from Boston to give me a fresh start and make me open to the world again.".

Her voice held a soft melancholy as if she was reliving moments long kept in the back of her mind.

"Tobias approached me on the first day. He was sweet and showed an interest in me, making it impossible not to become his friend. We became inseparable quickly, and for the longest time, our friendship kept me stable. Us against the world, he always used to say. But then something shifted the last year of middle school, when the both of us slowly grew into people, and puberty made it impossible to see past the fact that we were boy and girl after all.".

She shifted her legs underneath her, giving me a bit more space than previously before she continued.

"We kissed after school one day. It happened just like that, and we knew we couldn't go back to being just friends. So, he asked me to be his girlfriend, and I said yes.".

I felt a sting in my chest at her words. Jealously, irrational and uncalled for, but it was there.

"But you guys were so young. Wasn't it just a middle school relationship?".

"We were young, way too young. But I thought what I felt was real. Or the truest my feelings had been since my parents had passed. I became addicted to being around him, too scared of losing him as mine. He slowly found out that the loss of my parents emotionally attached me to him and that there was little I wouldn't do to win a little bit of his affection. He started using that against me. He formed me to his liking, and only then did he present me to his parents.".

She started listing more things, and it hurt to see how he had done the same to me. I began to realise that the only thing that had saved me from fully falling into his trap was Becca and the way she had caught me whenever he had tumbled me over. I took hold of her hand a little more tightly. I wanted her to know that I would always catch her in the same way.

"This emotional dependency continued until that one afternoon when it developed into something more dangerous. I remember he got mad at me, and he held my arm a little too long and a little too tightly. I had bruises the next morning from where his grip had been the tightest, but I didn't make too much of it. It happened more often after that, and with time, I became more aware of the issue. But I was scared to say something, even to my uncle or my closest friends, because I was still too afraid of losing him. Then, one day, shortly before the semester ended, everything changed. I had been at his place after school, and the kiss we had shared had grown deeper. I remember how heavy his body felt on mine and how I didn't recognise him anymore when I saw the look in his eyes. I asked him to stop, I told him I wanted to leave, but he didn't listen. His hands went places I didn't want them to go, grabbing me, feeling me, and all I could do was lie there.".

"Becca, I - I am so sorry.", I moved closer to her, my hands halting in mid-air, "Can I?".

She nodded, and I gently cupped her face, caressing her cheeks. "It was not your fault. None of it was your fault.".

She placed her hands over mine and closed her eyes, a sad smile playing on her lips.

"I know, but nobody believed me. I eventually freed myself from him and ran out. I told my uncle everything, and he was outraged. He spoke to Tobias' parents and even to the police, but they all dismissed him. After all, who would believe a fifteen-year-old girl? My uncle asked me if I wanted to see the therapist I saw after my parents died, but I refused. I cut my hair. I started working out and never looked back. I grew up that summer. I was too young for the things Tobias had put me through, but I had also been too young to grieve my parents, so I became a version of myself that would be able to protect younger me against the treacherous unexpectedness of this world.".