Pleasant Nightmare

Chapter 2

A hovercraft comes to pick us up. This was not my intention, winning was never my intention. I just wanted to die to keep myself from hurting. And because Cato didn't want to kill me I had to kill myself eventually. But when two Peacekeepers usher us inside the hovercraft, I don't complain or try to fight back. Even the thought about it is tiring. It feels like there's a gaping hole on my chest that makes me feel hollow.

They make me sit opposite Cato. I sit still while the doctors are trying to fix me-physically, but mentally I will never heal. I feel Cato's stern eyes staring at me. I can tell there is emptiness inside those eyes. He has the same blue eyes as Peeta, but they're much colder, unlike Peeta's warm eyes.

"Why didn't you just finish me?" I keep my voice steady.

"I'm done with killing. I even begin to question my conscience." He stares deeply into my eyes. I'm amused with how open he can be.

"I thought they don't teach you humanity back in Two."

"I never knew I have humanity-or what's left of it-before then. I never knew that the arena was never like I always imagined it to be."

"But you loved to kill, seeing the other kids as easy preys." That was more of a question.

"I did. But the game changed me."

We leave our conversation hanging. The silence is undeniably comforting. Cato seems lost on his own mind. Well, we have to figure out what we'll do for the rest of our lives, especially me, now that I don't have Peeta. I still can't understand why I don't hate Cato when I have all the reasons to.

"I'm sorry for the lover boy." I can tell that he really means it. Maybe a cold-hearted killing machine like him really can change. But I have no response for his apology. I myself don't know what to feel right now.

"You won't forgive me, will you." He demands.

"Yeah, never."

The hovercraft stops. We are escorted out to the tribute living facility.

"Sweetheart, I'm so sorry for the boy." Haymitch shoves me into a hug. I won't complain, cause apparently I really do need a hug. He hugs me tightly for a long time. I let him hold me like my life depends on him. We part our hug then he puts his arm around me and walks me to our floor.

We wait for the elevator's door to open when I realize that Cato is also here. But he doesn't have his mentors with him. The door falls open, he lets Haymitch and me in first. We just stand there quiet, not a comfortable one like I had with Cato on the roof of Cornucopia. The elevator stops on the second floor. Before Cato gets out, I hear him mumbles the word sorry once again.

"What was that?" Apparently Haymitch is baffled with Cato's apology.

"He apologized? Technically he killed Peeta, so... But I'm the one who shot. Haymitch, I don't know what to feel. I don't know who or what is wrong and right." I sound pleading and panicking. I almost break the emotions barrier I've built but manage to content myself.

"First thing first, you should rest. And we'll figure out later." He leads me enter our apartment. Still as good as I remember.

"Now I want you to get in your room and have a nice warm shower. If you're hungry just call an Avox. Try to get some sleep. We'll figure out things firstly in the morning." I nod after he dismissed me.

I do everything Haymitch said; all on autopilot mode. I walk straight to my room, strip down my dirty jacket, v-neck, and cargo pants that I haven't changed in two weeks. I get to the shower, push random buttons, and wash off my hair and body. The warmth of the water relaxes my tensed muscles a bit, helps my brain to rest a bit. I stay like that for almost an hour; my fingers wrinkle like dried plums. I get off the shower and wrap my body on a warm towel.