Two days after their visit to Shadis. This was the date set for the launch of the operation to reclaim Wall Maria.
Gray was in his room at Trost, alone, as the others had already left for the evening meal. It must have been around 9pm because the sun had already set a long time ago, given the winter time.
He wasn't in the bedroom proper but in the adjacent bathroom, which was further down the corridor but linked to his bedroom. He stood weakly, his hands clutching the washbasin, shirtless and looking at himself in the mirror, water dripping from his hair to the tips of his toes, naked on the floor. He was shaking and blood was also running down his entire body. He couldn't even remember how he'd inflicted those wounds on himself, but he knew he must have been in a mad rage for the marks to still be there.
He knew, though. He knew the operation to reclaim the wall was coming and had known it for some time but... it was incomprehensible. How could the years have passed so quickly? How could the days since his comrades had fled have progressed so quickly?
He had to do it, he had to leave now. Escape through the window, leave the Wall through the shallows, transform and escape by sea. He wouldn't go to Marley, he wouldn't be able to return if he fled. He would go anywhere, but not Marley, Hizul, the Middle East, other places.
Or even the ruins of Valdria, where he would hide out and live as a hermit until he died in six years' time. Anyway, it wasn't as if anyone would be looking for him.
No. He couldn't. He wouldn't. God, why were things so complicated?
His head was a jumble of ideas colliding with each other. It wasn't as if he couldn't do anything, he had plenty of choices but every one of them would make him a traitor. If he returned to Marley with Eren, he would be a traitor to Paradis. If he stayed on the island, he would be a traitor to the continent and if he fled, he would be a traitor to both.
His thoughts wandered to really dark places. He thought about taking his own life and he was very serious. But he couldn't, he was terrified and didn't want to die.
He collapsed in tears against the sink, his tears mixing with his blood and the water. He didn't know what to do.
His thoughts finally settled on something, a stronger thought that gave him the strength to go on and get up. Anna.
- Come back to me, Gray, please... Promise me.
- I... I promise, Anna. I'll be back, I promise.
- I'll be waiting.
- I've gotta go,
- Then go... but don't forget your promise.
What would she think if he took his own life in such a shameful way? She was waiting for him and he knew it. He would never forgive himself for wasting years of her life waiting for him if he died so soon.
Drying his tears, he breathed. Even if he had made his decision, he wouldn't be any less unpleasant towards Paradis, the people there were his friends and he had learned to love them. He had chosen his side. At the latest, he would be home in two days.
***
When he entered Trost's canteen, nobody paid any attention to him. He slipped through the rows unnoticed, taking a seat at the same table as Jean and the others, even though the canteen was gradually emptying.
He ate quickly, even though he took full advantage of the meal, which consisted of a lot of extra meat rations, certainly due to the big event.
He was eating alone, and in a way that was perhaps for the best. He wasn't sure he'd have the energy to talk to the islanders in a friendly manner, knowing that he'd be betraying them tomorrow.
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Attack on Titan: Secrets of Marley (SNK x OC)
FanfictionIn a world where Titans sow terror, Gray Lehmann finds himself caught up in a war beyond his imagination. A native of Marley, he has been trained to hate the Eldians of Paradis Island. But when he is sent on a mission with some warrior friends, an u...
