tw: suicidal thoughts, depression
taylor pov:
Todays the day. I'm gonna do it. Everything has gotten to be too much. The fame, the hate, my body, the breakups. I can't take it anymore.
I've tried opening up to people. I've tried to get help. But I can't talk about my emotions because it almost always ends in tears and me being unable to speak or move.
So, i've made my plan. I've written my notes. It's time.
I wake up to Travis' alarm, per usual. I start my day the same as always, brushing my hair and teeth before getting dressed. I tell Travis I love him and kiss him goodbye.
Once he leaves, I lay my notes out on the counter. One for Travis, one for my parents, one for Tree, and a few for my friends.
I find my keys and get in my car. I didn't tell anyone I was leaving, so I don't have security following me.
I drive to my desired destination in silence. No music, no noise, just thoughts and dissociation. Eventually, I can see the edge. The edge of the cliff i've thought about driving off of for so long.
My plan was just to speed off the edge once I arrived. But, for a moment, I decide I want to soak it all in.
It's beautiful here, really. So quiet. So empty. I haven't experienced anything like this in so long. I'm not allowed to go anywhere alone, and i'm most definitely not allowed to go to some random cliff where anything could happen to me.
But, it doesn't matter anymore. Because i'm about to be gone forever.
People will be happier. The world will be a better place once I do this.
And just as i'm about to press my foot onto the gas pedal and drive off the edge, I hear someone.
travis pov:
Pulling up to practice, I notice the parking lot is much more empty than usual. But I assume everyone is just late or maybe i'm early.
I make my way inside the building, and walk to the same locker room we meet in every day. But no one's there.
Confused, I reach for my phone and call Patrick.
"Hey man. What's up?"
"Don't we have practice today? Where are you?"
"No man, Coach Reid cancelled. He's sick or something. We're doing double tomorrow. Didn't you get the text?"
"What? No. I can't believe no one told me. Guess i'll go back home."
"Yeah sorry Trav. But hey, at least you get the day off."
"I guess. Thanks Pat."
"Yeah. Bye."
Well, now I have an entire empty day to do as I please.
Driving home from the stadium, I decide I want to spend today doing something nice for Taylor. She won't admit it, but I know she's been struggling lately. And we've both been so busy and unable to spend much time together.
So, i'm going to buy her a few things and make it a romantic date night for us. But first, I need to run home and change out of my football clothes.
I park my car in the driveway of Taylor and i's shared home before walking inside towards the bedroom. On my way there, passing through the kitchen, I notice a few random pieces of paper with various peoples names on them. I pick up the piece with my name, reading just the first sentence before rushing back out the door into my car.
"Travis, the love of my life, I want to begin by thanking you for all you've done for me, and i'm sorry, but this is the way it had to end." It read.
I speed out of the driveway, pulling up Taylor's location on my phone and finding directions there.
On the way there, I notice i'm driving further and further from the city. I can't see a single house or building for miles.
Where the hell am I? A cliff?
And that's when I see it. Her car.
Running over to it as fast as I can, I spot her in the open window. Getting closer, I can see the mascara running down her face. She seems zoned out, almost like it's her body but she's not really there.
Trying not to scare her, I say her name lightly.
"Taylor."
She jumps at my voice and looks over at me.
"Oh. Travis."
"What are you doing?" I ask.
"Just, um, enjoying the view."
"Tay i'm not stupid. I went home."
"Oh."
"Can you get out of the car?" I ask.
She looks over at me with tears in her eyes, and I can tell she doesn't want to. But I can't let her do this.
I feel my eyes start to well up as I plead with her.
"Please baby. Just get out of the car. It's all I ask."
She reaches for the door handle and steps outside. As soon as I can, I wrap her in my arms and let her cry into my shoulder.
We both stand there for quite some time. Or rather, until we'd both run out of tears. Eventually, I take her hand and lead her to the passenger seat of my car. I open the door, but she doesn't get in.
"Get in baby, we have to go home."
"I don't want to. I'm so tired, Travis. I can't do this anymore."
"Baby, I know it's hard, but I need you to get in the car. We can talk the whole way home. And more once we get there. But it's not good for you to be up here. And you're scaring me."
She sighs, defeated, and sits down in the passenger seat of the car. I close her door and make my way to the driver side.
On the way home, neither of us speak. Not because we have nothing to say, but instead because we have too much to say.
Pulling into our driveway, I park the car and carry Taylor inside. I lay her down on the bed and stay with her until she falls asleep.
I walk back to the kitchen and collect the notes she wrote. I have no idea what to do with them, so I hide them in a drawer that I know Taylor never opens.
I start to think about ways to help her. This is going to be a long, hard journey, but she has to get better. She has to get better.
a/n: hi chat! i'm severely depressed so here's a depressing one shot for u hope u enjoyed 🎀
might make a part 2 of this idk. would probably just be them discussing the situation so might be boring.
p.s. taylor in that red versace suit at the chiefs game 😩😩😩😩
