Gray Areas | Englot | GirlxGirl

36. Mess

A/N: This is what Jaxon Wilde looks like... uh... 👀

______

POV CHARLOTTE

How am I supposed to fix things with someone who's hundreds of miles away? I'm stuck here in Seattle, drowning in this crazy filming schedule, while Engfa's across the country in San Francisco, preparing for her concert tonight.

It's day five here, and every second feels like it's just spreading my thoughts thinner. Trying to focus on these scenes feels like trying to calm a hurricane with just my hands.

The filming doesn't stop, and all I can think about is her. It's gotten so bad that I keep blowing takes, and Jaxon-Jaxon of all people-had to pull me aside to check on me. He had to help me with the lines I can't seem to get right. It's like my mind has turned into a tangled mess, and no matter how hard I try, I just can't make it click. I feel like I'm losing my grip, and it's terrifying.

My confidence is starting to crumble, and all I want is to be back with Engfa-to feel her touch, to hear her laugh, to just... be with her. Instead, I'm here, stranded in my head and on this set, falling apart bit by bit.

I haven't heard from her since last night. My texts? My calls? They're just evaporating. No replies, nothing. I know she's probably really pissed off at me. I even had to ask Nesa for updates, hoping she could give me some insight into what Engfa's up to.

During this short break, I dial her number again, but it's still radio silence. Just an endless ringing, a void that feels like it's swallowing me whole. Each time it rings, my hope fades a little more.

Engfa has this way of becoming the invisible person alive when she decides to ignore her phone-or worse, ignore me.

But then, she posted on Instagram last night. At that after-party, surrounded by her dancers, laughing, doing tequila shots like everything's perfect. But I know her better than that. I know the façade she's capable of putting on for the world. It doesn't fool me.

Finally, I can't take it anymore.

I message Nesa, asking for a video call. I need something-anything-to hold me over. Even just a brief glimpse of her. A little peace of mind, something to keep me from losing it completely.

When the call connects, I see Nesa sitting in the audience seats, holding her camera steady on the stage. I can just make out Engfa in the middle of soundcheck, moving with her dancers, her energy lighting up the room.

"Your voice isn't coming through clearly here," Nesa yells over the booming music, keeping the camera aimed at the stage. "But look, see for yourself. Don't worry, she'll reach out. She just needs some time. She's in a bit of a mood-super sensitive right now. Honestly, I'm scared to even ask her for anything. You know how she gets when she's like this."

I nod, forcing a smile even though my chest feels like it's being squeezed. "Thanks, Nesa. I'll wait. Just... make sure she takes her vitamins before the concert. And no more tequila. That's a message from her girlfriend."

Nesa laughs, a genuine chuckle that somehow doesn't reach my heart. "Will do. But alright, gotta run-soundcheck's almost over, and she'll need me backstage."

"Okay. Bye, Nesa." I try to sound casual, but the words feel heavy.

As soon as the call ends, I slump back in my chair, staring at my phone like it's going to magically ring or buzz or show me something that will make this pain go away. I check my messages again, hoping for a sign, any sign. I can't help myself. For what feels like the hundredth time, I send one more text.