Gray Areas | Englot | GirlxGirl

37. Consequences

POV ENGFA

Charlotte motherfreaking Austin is driving me absolutely insane right now. I swear, she’s got this power over me, like, I’d drop everything and fly straight to Seattle just to kidnap her, stuff her in my bag, and drag her wherever I go. And for two whole days, she’s been testing my last nerve.

First, she goes on this ridiculous helicopter date with "Jack Sparrow"—I mean, what the hell is that? It suits him, though, Jaxon and the Caribbean vibe totally fit together!

Then they have dinner, and she's out there grinning for photos like nothing's wrong. And sure, technically, nothing is wrong... but this all happens right after their date! Grinning all over the place with him like it’s nothing. I can't help but feel a little... off about it. Not that I'm jealous, why should I be? He’s got nothing on me! I never get jealous! I just... don't like it, alright?

Helicopter dates? Those are ours! I definitely need to take her up in a helicopter again. Maybe she just misses that feeling—being up there with me, going somewhere together. I’ll talk to her about it later, once we’re face to face. Maybe she’s just too shy to say it out loud. Either way, I need to step up my game. I swear, I will.

Why does she have the nerve to go and do that with him? I mean, how am I supposed to act? She's always pushing my patience to the limit. And, of course, I had to scroll through social media and see all these new fans popping up, “shipping” them.
I was this close to tossing my phone across the room.

Right? I don’t get it either!

Why is everyone shipping Charlotte with everyone but me? Like, come on! There’s no combination that even comes close to Engfa and Charlotte. We’re the pair, together we are Englot, get it? the power couple, and Englot just sounds perfect, doesn’t it? I mean, it rolls off the tongue so smoothly.

Forget all these other ships; Englot is the only one that makes sense. It’s us, always has been, always will be.

I’m not even mad anymore; I’m just over it. They can ship whatever they want, but they know deep down—Englot is the real deal.

And then, as if it wasn’t enough, she follows it up by getting in the same car with that guy the next day! An Audi, no less—like, why? Why an Audi? Did he try to swoop Charlotte into his little world? Oh please... I hate everything about it. Every single thing. I hate that Jack Sparrow wannabe! I hate—

"Engfa, you've been squeezing tightly on your mic, clenching your jaw, furrowing your eyebrows like you’re about to launch a rocket, and mumbling about Charlotte, helicopters, Jack Sparrow, and 'Englot'—whatever the hell that is—for five minutes now. Honestly, I’m kinda scared."

Sierra, one of my dancers, nudged my arm, snapping me out of my mental spiral during rehearsal.

I blinked, then laughed nervously, scratching my neck. Did I really say all that out loud?

"I’m gonna take a break," I muttered to my dancers, trying to shake off the tension and embarrassment.

Once backstage, I headed straight to the dressing room. Nesa was lounging on the couch, flipping through her phone like everything was normal. I collapsed on the couch across from her.

We’re in Oregon, wrapping up the first week of my North American tour with two shows planned over the next two days. After that, we’re heading back to L.A. the day after tomorrow before moving on to the next city in two weeks. Honestly, I’m just trying to survive this whirlwind. It’s a lot—nonstop rehearsals, shows, and doing my best to keep everything together. But I’ll take it one day at a time.