Partying is the problem /pt.2 style au/

Alien blues

• Stan's pov

"I personally think that if he wanted to actually date someone he should just take what he has because holy shit I can't take his bitching and moaning anymore. You know what I'm fucking talking about right?" Craig bitched and moaned about Ken complaining about being single for the hundredth time.

"Yeah sure dude... I woke up like five fucking seconds ago ok?" I rubbed my eyes.

I took a deep breath in the front seat of Craig's cold car, not knowing how to respond at the moment, still half asleep.

"Ok well it's not my fault you sleep until fucking noon." he parked, "it's yours."

I rolled my eyes at him, hearing Ken get in the back.

"What's up gamers! I'm fucking starving!" He rubbed his hands together and leaned in between our seats.

Craig started to drive again, "ok well don't be too happy, it's your turn to buy our shit."

"Fuck I was hoping y'all forgot."

"Yeah, you fucking wish you poor asshole."

"Craigie poo stop that hurts my feelwings-" he said right in my ear, making me flinch a bit.

"Dude, sit back holy shit." I pushed his chest back into the backseat.

"We're getting my truck after this right guys?"

"Whatever," Craig said.

"Alright bet thank you Pookie."

We eventually got to our destination, fucking hooters. We all got out and walked in, quickly getting seated at a tall table by a practically naked girl.

Ken leaned back and stretched, "why did you guys pick this place again? It makes me feel even more disgustingly single."

"You picked this place asswipe, we wanted to go to fucking sizzlers." Craig rusted at him while looking at the menu.

"Keep believing Craig," he said back.

I didn't even bother looking at the menu anymore since I've been here so many times now. The only reason we were here in the first place is because we originally wanted to start a school club because club founders get advantages in classes and more excuses for days off. It's kind of like buying a game pass for a game you're mentally obsessed with.

Time ran out and we couldn't think of a club name so it never happened, but now we still come every Saturday because why not, we don't have lives anyway. It helps get my mind off the shit I don't like thinking about.

"So Stan, are we gonna talk about the elephant in the room or...?"

I eyed Kenny in confusion, not knowing why he was talking to me, I wasn't the one with a broken-up boyfriend. "What do you mean?" I switched glances to Craig.

"You know..." he looked away and sighed quickly, "you not getting fucked in the ass by your boyfriend of six months-"

I slammed my hand on the table, causing people from other tables to stare at the three of us. "Are you actually fucking serious Craig?! The one thing I told you not to fucking do- you did it! Real fucking weak asswipe-"

"Don't get pissed at me bitch, you told Kenny and Clyde about me and Tweek that one time-"

"Uh yeah- because I walked in on you two and had nowhere else to go and it's not my fault Kyle told them-"

"Ladies! Ladies! Let's pull our panties later ok?-" Ken got cut off by the waitress.

"Hey, ya'll! How are we today?" she had that annoying lisp thing that people do with their tongue and a fake voice, just trying to get a good tip I guess, I'm not hating though. "I'm Porsche and I'll be your waiter ok? Did we decide on drinks?" She was our waitress every time, and somehow still doesn't recognize us.

"Uh, actually we'll just order right now too if that's fine?" I asked her.

"Omg yes of course! What can I bring y'all?" she got out a notepad and kept a smile on her face.

I ordered chicken tenders and a lemonade, it's what I got every time. I switched to lemonade and water shortly after I started dating Kyle, I just knew how bad that shit fucked up my past relationships, even if it was for the better. 5 months clean if I do say so myself. It wasn't a huge accomplishment for me or anything like that, but I knew Ky was proud of me and that's all that mattered to me.

The guys ordered while I prayed they would just drop what we were talking about before she showed up. I didn't wanna fucking talk about it because it's not their business, but at the same time, I also wanted at least some form of human being to understand the shit I've been facing.

"Ok, I'll be back with those shortly!" She ripped a paper out of her notepad and twirled around, leaving the three of us alone once again.

Ken waited a few seconds before slowly starting to talk again, "...So are you-"

"Just- shut up Ken, ok?" I rubbed my face and sighed, thinking about how to word this. "Ok yeah, me and Kyle have only kissed and it's been six months, so what?" I shrugged and tried to act like I didn't care as much as I really did.

"Wait- just kissed? Y'all haven't like made-out or anything on like another level?"

"No, you retard, they obviously got close to it." Craig snapped.

"Ok well sorry I didn't get a private lore sesh last night!"

"Look it's gotten really close to it ok? I just feel like he has bigger shit to be thinking about right now." I said.

"Ok well dude, it's not really something that people have to be thinking about. It happens, it makes your day better, and then you move on to shit you actually think about until it happens again and again."

"Yeah, I know I just- I'll figure it out alright? I don't know why y'all care so much anyway." I rolled my eyes.

Kenny put his hand on mine, "Because we care about your happiness Stanny boy."

"Yeah ok, whatever."

"But! Now that we got that out of the way, there is something I would like to announce."

"You and Butters are finally dating like normal people?" I asked him with an eyebrow raised.

"You're dropping out of college and moving back home with your abusive parents?" Craig smiled and seemed happy.

"Nope!" Ken grinned and put his palms on the table, "One of my old buddies of a buddy of a buddy of a buddy is moving out here to finish his semester! So you know what that means!"

"More people for Stan to hate and then date and then not fuck?" Craig asked.

I punched his shoulder and waited for Kenny to finish. "More people to add to our friend group! He'll be here around sometime tomorrow- but see, now we'll have another person to rant to about our problems so it's not always me or Kyle!"

"The fuck? People don't go to Kyle to rant... do they?"

Craig shrugged.

"You'd be surprised. Now where the fuck is my root beer I'm about to pass out from faggy exhaustion."