Chiaroscuro

The Choice That Wasn't Given

Scorpius took the train to Hogwarts and as Draco waved goodbye to his son, the world as he knew it began to close in on him. The train pulled away from the platform and Draco was reminded of his own youth. He was reminded of how eager he was during his first year and how terrible his last few years had been.

What had started off as an exciting adventure into adolescence had come crashing down with war and ruin. The Dark Lord returned and took up a residence and Malfoy Manor, from there things only got worse. It started when Draco first say the Dark Lord torture and kill. Sometimes it was traitors, sometimes it was mindless muggles, either way, Draco felt the guilt and suffocation begin to build.

The tortures weren't limited to the 'others'. The Dark Lord and his cronies tortured anyone who stepped out of line or failed a mission. Draco was in his sixth year when he first saw his father get tortured. It was only a few weeks later when Draco himself was tortured for the first time. After that, counting the frequencies of torture seemed pointless.

For the next few weeks, Draco tried and failed to get a job at a potions shop. However, after the fourth rejection in a week, he gave up. It was shortly after this that Draco's life quickly devolved into a series of poorly-thought-out decisions. He spent most of his time hiding in his apartment with a bottle of firewhiskey for company.

Once in a while, his landlord would attempt to come and collect the months of rent he hadn't paid, but Draco would pretend to not be home. He drank until the thought of his past no longer felt like they haunted him. He drank until he could forget about Granger and her stupid sad expression.

He hated that he had even considered the possibility of becoming close with the Weasleys, Harry, and Hermione. Maybe Pansy had successfully crossed that bridge, but it was different for him. It would always be different for him.

Draco drank until he didn't care that he fell asleep on the floor of the kitchen. He laid on his side, staring at the underside of the table. His stomach hurt but he couldn't tell if it was from the firewhiskey or guilt.

He hated himself for talking to Hermione in such a cold and terrible way. However, he told himself she was better off that way. She was better off without him in her life. She was better off living out her warm and comfortable life away from him. Draco hoped that it hadn't hurt her too much. After all, he had been cruel to her before.

On occasion, Draco would get an owl from someone (usually Pansy), but he would always ignore it. Likely Hermione had told them all how he had treated her. He didn't want to be lectured. Ultimately, he figured it was better if everyone just assumed he was still the blood-purist he used to be. It was a lot easier than explaining the truth.

Draco drank away the rest of the month. He hardly ever left the apartment. It was October 1st when the landlord finally kicked him out of the building. Draco wanted to be angry at him for this, but he could hardly bring himself to care.

After losing his apartment, he found temporary solace in the bars and taverns that littered Hogsmeade. On occasion, he would even find himself visiting muggle bars, just for a slight change of scenery. However, the scenery mattered very little when he found himself staring at the bottom of a bottle all night.

It was early one October morning when Draco woke up to find that he had fallen asleep at The Hog's Head Inn once again. The bartender, a kind older woman named Glad, often let him fall asleep in one of the corner booths.

His head ached as he looked around himself. The bar was empty, as it always was in the mornings. Candles lit the dark interior, but he could see sunlight from outside. He was about to walk up to the bar and order more firewhiskey when he caught a shock of red hair walking into the bar. Suddenly, he had the intense desire to run.