Living with One Direction

Liam.

Liam,

You were....are.. my childhood.

Your smile lit up so many.

Your laugh was so contagious.

You began a life long friendship for me. Liam, you are personal to me. 

You were the inspiration behind this series, my best friend Sara loved... loves- you so dearly and I wanted her imagination to come to life. I wanted her to only find peace within her struggles.

As she struggled with reading, you healed her and allowed her peace within her struggle, you gave her the strength to keep practicing. I know she isn't the sappiest, but I know she's looking at this and at least nodding right now.

Liam, you brought me Sara when I struggled. I owe you the world, and you've never met me.

I was dealing with a massive amount of bullying, this story, this series- you, gave me hope, it gave me sanity.

At just 14 years old, you inspired me to create this series, to use my pain to create art and spread happiness to humans everywhere.

You, you gave us peace. 

Your loss just does not add up,Payno.

I don't cry over many celebrity deaths... Ive only cried over 2.

Matthew Perry hit too close. But you Payno? You were a whiplash to the world. 

You did not throw yourself over that balcony, we know that now, we promise. 

Our hearts aches, our hearts are crying.

You've been gone for 3 weeks, but it still feels just so unreal.

We keep checking google, where it now says "was" and "died".

We don't want you to fade away, we don't want to just one day forget you and move on.

How the fuck does one move on from a 31 year old losing everything?

Maya Henry, you deserve the absolute highest form of Karma. You really knew how to keep stabbing until it hurt.

And those who continued hurting Liam and now feel hurt for him, shame on you. 

Liam struggled immensely. You could see it in his eyes, you could see it in his face.

As someone who also struggled with suicidal thoughts, and depression, anxiety.... we all feel for each other. These thoughts are so real... these thoughts fucking haunt you and kill you. They take over your life. You sometimes lose friends from it... they distance themselves from you....

Just like the boys did with him. I can't say that was the reason, but god I wonder how they are feeling now. I hope they are being checked on and comforted to the maximum. Especially Louis.

Seeing Liam remove his paperclip necklace was heart shattering - I pray it was just a coincidence.  

Again, as someone who has also internally struggled, I only pray with those who struggle with me.

Has anyone checked on Cheryl? Bear? The boy lost his father. THE SEVEN YEAR OLD BOY LOST HIS FATHER.  KEEP READING THAT.

I truly hope Uncle Louis keeps his promise.

Payno, we're going to figure out who the fuck did this to you. 25 injuries is IMPOSSIBLE from a fucking jump. 

But for now,

Liam, thank you for sharing your heart with the world. Thank you for sharing your smile with us, thank you for sharing your time with us. Thank you for taking your pain and turning it into beautiful art in which we always enjoyed. We didn't enjoy you struggling, but we enjoyed how you found beautiful ways to cope with it.

I know you hated your tattoo, but did you know it has now become a symbol to millions?

Your spotify is EXPLODING LIAM. 

Your following is BOOMING.

You finally got the numbers you wanted Payno, im so sorry you didn't get to see it.

I just want to remind you all, its okay to be hurt over someone we've never met. Its okay to cry and to feel pain for someone who's been our comfort space. You are allowed to mourn. If this person in anyway made an impact in your life, even if it was 2% - YOU ARE VALID, YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID.

We love you Payno, I'm so sorry we never got the reunion - but you did it! You really were the one who got the boys together in the same room. I just... I just wish you were there to see it.

I hope you are safe up there, performing , giggling for the angels to see. 

I hope you are looking down, seeing we are all missing you, keeping up your memory.

I hope you are finally pain free, flying, going on your infamous world tour and exploring to your highest of dreams.

I hope you are looking down at Bear, and protecting him with your soul. 

I hope as you sing to the angels, they embrace how lucky they are to have you.

God really takes who he loves so soon. God loves you Payno, he wanted you safe. That's why he took you in his arms that day.

We love you Payno, you were always loved, the hate meant shit. 

Forever young my love, and forever remembered.

Sleep well Payno. Until then, See you on the other side x

Goodnight my love. 

❯❯❯❯