Life Is A Game

CHAPTER 6

EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE IF YOU MAKE IT POSSIBLE

Trigger warning: suicide, mentioned of death.

You can't heal if you keep pretending you're not hurt. Let it hurt until it doesn't anymore.

To accept and heal is a huge thing, it's an accomplishment to achieve. It's not easy, but it doesn't mean it's impossible. In order to move forward you need to let go of what brings you down.

So today, i choose peace. I will let go those things that keep hurting me. I need to heal before vacation ends. I need to move forward and let go what brings you down.

I know it's not easy to move forward but it doesn't mean it's impossible.

"Nothing is impossible" That my motto in my life.

You know what funny is? My motto is Nothing is impossible but i always think everything i do is impossible.

I just realized that everything is possible if you make it possible.

I got a little flashback ‘yung time na muntik kunang kunin ang sarili kong buhay.

"Hindi ko kaya" hikbi ko

"Hindi.. ko kayang m-mabuhay nang g-ganito" sabi ko sa sarili ko habang humihikbi ako.

I want to die. I don't want this life. Gusto konang magpahinga.

Kinuha ko ang tali at piluput sa aking leeg.

Hindi ko kayang mabuhay na ganito, hindi ko kaya. I want to die. I want to pahinga na. Hindi kona talaga kaya.

Ako nalang lagi ang may kasalan, bakit ako? Ako ba talaga?

Bago kopa mawakasan ang ang buhayko  may pumasok sa kwarto ko.

"Jay? Did you bring your-

"Oh my god! Jayiee! Don't do it! Huwag mo akong iwan! Don't do this jayiee!" Sigaw ni marie sa akin kaya naputol ang tali.

"Why? Bakit jayie? Don't end your life like this! P-please don't!" Iyak niya sa akin habang niyayakap niya ako.

"Hindi ko kaya kung mamawala ka!" Patuloy ang pag-iyak niya habang niyayakap ako.

"I don't want to lose a friend" sabi niya sa akin habang garalgal ang boses.

"Jayie, don't" paki-usa niya sa akin habang patulog ang pag-agos nang kanyang mga luha sa mata.

"I j-just want to die... Hindi kona kaya marie" hikbi ko sakanya. "Hindi kona kaya" "bakit ako nalang lagi ang may kasalan? Bakit ako ang sinisisi? Bakit?!" Iyak ko sakanya.

"Hindi kona alam ang gagawin ko, hindi kona kaya" patuloy kong pag-iyak sa mga braso niya.

"Fuck your momma! Bakit kaba niya sinisisi sa mga nangyayari?! Bakit ikaw?! Siya naman talaga ang dahilan kong bakit namatay si ang kuya mo! Why she can't accept it?" Sabi niya sa akin habang patuloy parin ang kanyang pag-iyak.

Marie is there since day one. She's been there since day one.

And now, i just realized that taking your own life is not the answer to get away.

I don't want to go back to that phase. Kung maybabalikan man ako, siguro ‘yung time na masaya pa ang pamilya ko, complete ang aming pamilya.

Now? My Mom and My Dad is going to divorce. Hinihintay lang ni Mama ang pagpirma ni papa.

Nasa Canada pa si dad, sabi niya sa akin na pipirmahan niya ang divorce paper.

They will get separate so both of them will be happy in their own life. I know both of them are not happy since the day kuya passed away.

Hindi na sila magkasundo. Si Mommy naging busy sa work, Si dad busy din sa kanyang business.

Support naman ako kasi, I know na hindi na nila kayang ayusin ‘yung marriage nila.

Kaya kona ang aking sarili. Kaya ko! Nakaya ko nga noong mga panahon nga kaylangan ko silang dalawa. That time na i need to take my own life kaya ko naman mag-isa.

Ngayon, kaya kona damayan ang aking sarili.

Hindi habang buhay nandiyan si marie. She have her own Battle to fight.

I can do this alone.

                               -💙☁️-

Note: this is unedited, expect typographical error and grammatical errors.