Life Is A Game

CHAPTER 5

IT IS EASY TO CHANGE?

After me and marie talked about my life, her words suddenly echoed in my mind "If you never take a risk, your life will never changed".

And i think about that the whole night ride. Tama talaga siya, if i will never take a risk, my life will never changed.

So what I'm waiting for? I will change my life, step by step. If I am go against my mom, i will.

But how? My life is a game. The game that will never changed until you die.

But, i don't think it so easy to change your life when you're to broken inside. But still, i will change my life step by step.

"How's school, jen?" My mom suddenly asked me.

What so surprising? She will never cared of me. She only cared about my school and reputation.

I can't afford to fail because my mom thinks I'm perfect. Hinding hindi ako pwede magkamali kasi isang pagkakamali kolang people will judge me because they think I'm perfect kasi anak ako nag president of the Philippines.

"School is good" but it's killing me. I wanna say those words but I can't. I'll still respect her.

"Good, you can't fail jen remember that" sagot niya sa akin.

"Kelan ka uuwi? Your dad is looking for you. He will comeback to Philippines next week so better shut your mouth and behave" seryeso niyang sabi sa akin.

I don't like it when nandito kami sa loob ng sasakyan. It feels so suffocating. Naduduwal ako.

"Manong stop the car" seryoso kong sabi kay manong driver.

"Where are you going?" seryesong tingin ni mommy sa sa king habang kusnot ang kilay.

"Sa bahay ka katutulog" sabi ni mommy sa kin.

Why would i? I'm not comfortable with you. Badly wanna said that to my mom but i didn't.

"No" no means no mommy.

"Yes! If i said sa bahay ka matutulog, susundin mo lahat nang sasabihin ko sa'yo jen!"

Her eyes! Feeling ko demonyo talaga tong nanay ko eh.

Wala na akong mamagawa sa mga gusto niya.

After a long drive we finally get home. But this home feels like a burden to me. I don't like here, I don't belong in this house.

"Pinalinis ko ng ang kwarto mo, don't you dare na tumakas." banta niya sa akin.

I know my mom, alam ko paano siya magalit. I still remember when I'm 5 years old kid she slap me.

"Oh my god! Look what did you do! Bakit kasi dito ka naglalaro? Tingnan mo ang nangyari!" Singhal niya sa akin habang tinuturo ang mga nabasang dokyumento na pinapirmahan niya.

I cried. I don't know what to. I just cried loudly. I'm sorry mom.

"It's not my fault mom, it's miming's fault. She jumped off to your table mom." Iyak kong sabi sakanya.

She slapped me. That slap echoed to the room.

I just cried. I know my mom's love me. She doesn't want to say.

But i guess? I need to accept the reality that she doesn't love me. She will never cared about me since the day my kuya is dead.

I think it's time to accept na hindi na magbabago ang paniniwala niya na ako talaga ang dahilan kong bakit namatay si kuya.

Kaya kong magpatawad pero hindi ko malilimutan.

Patatawadin ko siya kahit hindi siya huminga ng tawad sa akin.

Kaya ko.

Kaya kona.

Siguro mamatawad ko siya pag umalis na ako dito.

I will. I can't stay here.

Hindi ko kaya ipilit ang sarili ko sakanya. I need to survive on my own.

I need to love myself.

                               -💙☁️-

Note: this is unedited expect typographical error and grammatical error.