Guarded (Lloyd Hansen AU) 18+

24

Lloyd

I fucked up, but it was worth it. I didn't need Wilford to bail me out but he did - and my way of thanks? It was to tell him that I'm standing down as his daughter's head of security and passing that role onto Court.

It's the right thing to do. I saw what they were saying online about me. That I'm a danger to Bronte more than her fans or stalkers are, that if there's anything between us then she's gonna end up hurt. That people thought once that I was good for her but now they see who I really am.

This is who I've always been. Unworthy of any good that walks into my life. I'm I always end up losing it, so why wait to lose her. I'm one step ahead this time and quit before it can be taken from me. Besides I've still got a lot to do with the regards to the company. Despite why happened people still are enquiring about my services, mostly because they know that I'd go to lengths to ensure everyone's safety.

Bronte's been trying to call me every day since she found out I'd quit, but I'm already back home and have sent for everything to be brought back from LA. It was a dick move on my part, but she's better off without me.

There's a knock on my office door and Suzanne walks in. "Didn't I fucking fire you?" I ask, pissed off that I got so caught up in thinking with my dick, that I didn't actually remember to do one important thing.

"Still here, you have a Bronte Wilford on line one".

"I'm not here".

"I've told her you're free".

"So tell her I'm not". I stand up, smashing my hands down on the desk and looking at her furiously. "Then pack your shit and get outta here".

Suzanne rolls her eyes. "You need a secretary Lloyd".

"And you need to start looking for a new job. Now shut up and go tell Bronte that I'm not free!" I'm furious, more than furious. I'm outta control.

Suzanne finally fucks off and I sit at my desk, yanking the drawer open and shoving a couple of Vicodin into my mouth, washing it down with a bottle of whiskey I keep in there for good measure. As I got to close the drawer I catch the picture that I shoved in there ages ago. One Barbara made us take of me and Ari during the rare time she'd got us both to visit. We'd begrudgingly taken it and tried to look like we were happy.

"Maybe you were right. Maybe I am just an asshole who cares about nothing and no one around him. I can't even keep anything that's handed to me...just the company, but then again that's all you ever said I cared about right?"

I'm half expecting him to just say something outta nowhere and tell me what I already know. But instead my phone rings and Barbara's name appears on the screen.

"If this isn't a fucking sign then I dunno what is". I say and answer the call. "Hey".

"Are you ok?" Her voice is filled with concern. "Only I saw the pictures and articles of what happened".

"I'm fine. Just some idiot with a camera trying to get an up skirt shot of Bronte".

"Then he deserved everything he got". She states adamantly. "He hasn't pressed charges has he?"

I take another long sip of whiskey. "No. Because he just happened to be doing exactly what I thought. He dropped the charges, and according to Wilford, he's gonna be suing".

"Good. And how is Bronte? She's such a lovely girl Lloyd, I knew you'd take care of her".

"I wouldn't know. I stepped down as her head of security. I'm back in New York fully". I break the news to her.

She sighs at this, almost like she's mourning. "Oh Lloyd. Were you made to? Or was it your own decision".

"Everything is my own decision. This one was for the best. I had people who thought I protected her once now stating I'm a danger to her, that I overreacted, that if we were something then she'd be scared of me blowing hot and cold. The list goes on, and they're right. I don't deserve anything, and you know it".

"Don't you dare say that".

"I told Ari to go and die! And he did! Those were my last damn words to him! That's the kinda guy I am and you know it. I'm a piece of shit. Geez if this company now crumbles because of what's gone on then so be it. After all, why should I still be in the position that I am when all I've done is be a total dick".

"Because being a total dick got you to where you are. But you're not always that Lloyd. Give yourself some credit. You're clever. You've made the company even more successful than your father had wanted. What's more is you risked it all for that girl, and that says more about you than you think. So what if people have said stuff on the internet? They hide behind their screens but will never say it to your face because in reality they're scared. And as for everything with Ari? What was said was said, but I know you never truly meant it. It was the heat of the moment. Ari knew how you could get. It's time to stop blaming yourself for things out of your control. Too many people have done so when it's come to what happened, but the truth is that it was an accident. A tragic accident made by human error. And that's what you are Lloyd. You're human, just like the rest of us, and showing some emotion every so often doesn't hurt".

I sit there and look at the whiskey in the glass. "Bronte deserves better".

"She deserves a man who will punch a pap in the face for her". Barbara chuckles at this.

"I could've hit him harder".

She's still chuckling. "And I'm sure that if Ari was here then he would have agreed".

"Us agreeing on anything was rare". I say and run a hand back through my hair. "I can't be her head of security. Not now".

"So put yourself first for once and be something more - after all, I doubt she just wants you as her head of security".

"I'm not sure what I should do".

"You said that everything is your own decision, so make another one?"

I pause for a moment. "It could be the wrong one". There nothing I hate more than being wrong.

"At this point I highly doubt it. You know what to do Lloyd, so go do it before you regret it".

It's enough to encourage me to get my ass into gear again.