What The Heart Wants (BWWM)

Forty: Decisions and the problem with love

×× Skylar ××

After Justin pulled up in front of Skylar's house, he went to open his car's door for her and walked her her front door.

"You know, you didn't have to walk me to my door." She smiled.

She really liked how much of a gentleman Justin was.

"I don't want anyone snatching you." He joked.

"Yes, because that's what happens here. Girls get snatched at their doors." She rolled her eyes and giggled.

"I'm a gentleman, okay?" Justin smiled.

"And I like that about you. Thank you." Skylar held onto her backpack's strap as they stood at the door.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" Justin said.

Skylar watched him lick his plump lips and that was enough to make her want to kiss him, even if her mom saw.

"See you tomorrow." She said.

They stood there looking at each other for a moment until they decided to kiss.

Before making her way inside, Skylar watched Justin walk back to his car and waved at him as he drove off.

She fixed herself and walked through the door.

Angela was doing the dishes.

"Hey, momma." Skylar said.

"Y'all need to find another place to be romantic. Not at my front door." Angela said.

As if her day hadn't been long enough, she now had her mother to deal with and all Skylar really wanted to do was be alone in her room with her music and do her work.

"Sorry." Was all she said, though she didn't really mean it.

"Was he in too much of a hurry to come in and say hi?"

"Yes, actually." Skylar lied. "He had somewhere to be."

Angela nodded.

"Is he gonna be dropping you off every time your classes end?" She asked.

"No. He just wanted to be nice, momma."

"He does seem nice." Angela dried her hands. "Too nice, actually."

"What do you mean?"

"Skylar, why is he with you?" Angela crossed her arms and leaned against the fridge.

Skylar's lips parted and she was lost for words.

"Do you suddenly dislike him? You let me go on a date with him, remember?" She crossed her arms too.

"I never said I liked him, Skylar."

"Wow." Skylar scoffed and threw her hands up.

"It just still doesn't make sense to me why a well-off boy would be after you."

"What's that supposed to mean, momma? You don't think I'm worthy of Justin's time and attention because he's rich and I'm not?"

"It doesn't make sense, that's all. You've never dated anyone from around here."

"Justin is not my first boyfriend."

Angela's eyebrows shot up.

"Mine and Justin's relationship-- much like any other relationship I've been in-- has nothing to do with money. I don't care for his money." Skylar said.

"I just don't want you getting hurt, Skylar. I want to understand." Angela said after a moment.

"Then why don't you ask me nicely about my relationship with Justin, instead of assuming that I'm a gold digger or that he has some lowkey expectations?"

"I never said you're a gold digger, Skylar. Watch your mouth."

Skylar exhaled sharply to calm herself.

"What do you think he wants from me?" She asked.

"I don't know why a rich white boy would be going after an average black girl."

"So this is also about colour." Skylar nodded.

"I'm just trying to make sense of all of this, Skylar."

"Sense? Since when did liking someone have to make sense? I'm not allowed to like Justin because he's white AND rich? What if he was black and rich? Would that sit well with you?"

Angela was about to answer but Skylar cut her off.

"No! Because if he was black and rich, he'd be a drug dealer, right?"

"First of all, calm down, young lady. Secondly, this has nothing to do with all of that."

"Why can't you just be happy for me? I have someone who makes me happy. Isn't that what you want for your daughter?"

"You don't understand a thing. You're too young."

"Help me understand then! Do I have to lower my standards? I've done that before and ended up being upset!"

"Your standards are sky high right now!"

"Justin is not his money!"

Angela sighed and rubbed her temples.

"Skylar, do you know how it looks to our neighbours that suddenly this BOY is showing up here often in that car--"

"Since when do we care what the neighbours think?"

"Honey, I just don't want you making stupid decisions. I'm not comfortable with you bringing him around here."

"You're not comfortable with anything. He's shady cause his car's black, he's shady cause he's white and likes me... Not all guys are dogs or heart breakers. Not all guys are after booty."

"You don't know what his intentions are."

"And you do? Momma, Justin is not some booty-crazed white guy who wants to try me out so he knows what it's like to get it on with a black girl."

"How do you know that? Has he ever been with a black girl before?"

"Would it put your mind at ease if he has? Or would you be convinced that he really is after my body?"

Angela took a deep breath.

"Skylar, I'm just worried, okay? I'm scared you'll make a silly decision because being with a cute, well-off boy is such a thrill..." Her voice trailed off. "I made stupid decisions when I was young, honey. Especially when it came to love. It never ends well."

"I'm smart, momma. You don't have faith in the way you raised me! I can make clear choices and the mistakes I make will be mine to make and learn from."

"Sky--"

"It actually doesn't phase me what you think about Justin or his 'intentions'. What hurts me is how you... you regret having me."

"I don't regret it, Skylar."

"I'm the result of a stupid decision you made. Did you not just say that?"

"I did not."

"That's what I heard. You implied it." Skylar frowned.

"I just want you to be cautious, Skylar. I struggled to raise you--"

"I'm going out for some air." Skylar put her backpack on the kitchen counter and walked to the door. "Don't wait up for me."

"Skylar. Skylar, come back here, we're not done. Let me exp--"

Skylar walked out and slammed the door behind her.