6.Grey skies

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"Grief is not a place we move past, but a part of us that we learn to carry."

Angelys stood at the threshold of her apartment, her keys dangling loosely from her hand

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Angelys stood at the threshold of her apartment, her keys dangling loosely from her hand. The air inside felt heavy, saturated with memories that no longer felt like her own. She glanced around, the walls that once comforted her now pressing inward, suffocating.

The silence was deafening, broken only by the soft patter of rain against the windows. The city outside was alive, but inside, the stillness wrapped around her like a shroud. Angelys paced, her steps echoing off the hardwood floors. She tried unpacking her bags, but the simple act of folding clothes felt meaningless.

She needed air.

Pulling on a coat, she left the apartment without any destination in mind. Paris greeted her with its usual charm—the glow of streetlights on wet pavement, the faint hum of life spilling from nearby cafés. But tonight, even the beauty of the city felt distant.

Angelys wandered through narrow streets, her boots clicking softly against the cobblestones. She passed familiar landmarks, each one triggering a flicker of memory: late-night escapades with her mother, long walks when she needed to escape the world. But now, those memories only deepened the void inside her.

Eventually, she found herself standing in front of the Seine. The river's surface rippled under the soft rain, its murky depths mirroring the confusion in her heart. She leaned against the stone railing, her fingers brushing over the worn edges.

She thought about Monaco—the bright lights, Franco's quiet strength, the way he had seen through her façade. For a brief moment, she had felt alive, as if she could stop pretending and just be. But now, that moment felt like a dream she couldn't quite hold onto.

Angelys pulled out a small notebook from her coat pocket. It was something her mother had given her years ago, a place to write down her thoughts when the world became too much. She hadn't opened it in months, maybe years.

Her pen hovered over the page before she began to write:

I don't know who I am anymore.

The words stared back at her, stark and honest. She scribbled more, letting the floodgates open:

I'm tired of this life, of the masks I wear. Tired of chasing something that feels so far away. I want to feel real again. I want to belong.

Her hand stilled, the pen slipping from her fingers. A tear traced its way down her cheek, followed by another. She didn't bother wiping them away. For once, she let herself feel everything—the grief, the exhaustion, the quiet yearning for something more.

The rain began to fall harder, soaking through her coat, but she didn't move. The cold seeped into her skin, a sharp contrast to the heat of her emotions.

Eventually, she closed the notebook and turned away from the river. Her steps were slower now, more deliberate, as if each one carried a fragment of her heart back to herself.

When she returned home, the apartment was still as cold and unfamiliar as before, but something inside her had shifted. She sat down by the window, her gaze fixed on the rain.

And for the first time in a long time, she didn't feel entirely lost.

Angelys sat by the window for hours, the rain outside weaving patterns on the glass. The city hummed below her, vibrant and alive, but she felt as though she were watching it from a distance—like a visitor in a life that once belonged to her.

Her eyes lingered on her unpacked suitcase, its contents spilling onto the floor. There were still outfits from Monaco—dresses she didn't wear, shoes meant for gliding across marble floors. She sighed, pulling her knees up to her chest.

Her phone buzzed on the table beside her. For a moment, she considered ignoring it, but something compelled her to reach for it.

A message. From an unfamiliar number.

"Monte Carlo isn't the same without you."

Her heart stopped for a moment. She didn't need to guess who it was. Franco.

She stared at the words, her fingers brushing over the screen. There was something so simple, so direct about the message—it wasn't laced with pretense or the flattery she was used to. It was just... real.

Her thumbs hovered over the keyboard. What could she even say?

"Paris isn't quite home either."

She hesitated before pressing send, but once she did, there was no taking it back. The words felt more honest than anything she'd said aloud in months.

The response came quickly.

"Maybe you're still looking for home."

Her chest tightened, the words hitting a nerve she didn't expect. She set the phone down, staring at it as if it held the answer to a question she wasn't ready to ask.

She stood, restless again. The apartment felt too small, too confining. She found herself pacing, running her fingers through her hair, her thoughts racing.

Maybe Franco was right. Maybe she was still searching. But for what? For where?

She glanced at the notebook sitting on the windowsill, its pages slightly damp from where she'd set it earlier. On impulse, she opened it again, flipping to a blank page.

This time, she didn't write words. Instead, she sketched.

She wasn't much of an artist, but her mother used to tell her it didn't matter. Art wasn't about perfection—it was about expression, about giving shape to the things you couldn't say.

The lines were shaky at first, hesitant, but soon they began to form an image. A small café table, two chairs, and the hint of a skyline behind them. She didn't need to wonder where the scene came from—she knew.

It was the restaurant in Monte Carlo. The place where she and Franco had talked over simple food, where she'd felt, for just a moment, like someone had truly seen her.

She stared at the sketch, her chest tightening.

Maybe she needed to go back.

Not to Monte Carlo specifically, but to the places that made her feel something real. Maybe it wasn't about finding home in a city or an apartment. Maybe it was about finding pieces of herself in the places and people who made her feel alive.

Her phone buzzed again. Another message.

"If you ever need a reminder of what's real, you know where to find me."

She smiled faintly, tracing her finger over the screen.

For now, she didn't reply. Instead, she tucked the notebook under her arm and began unpacking her bags—not because she was staying, but because she was starting to realize she might not be looking for permanence at all.

She was looking for meaning. And maybe, just maybe, she was finally ready to find it.

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