Beyond the What-Ifs

Chapter 6

The lights inside the bar were dim, flickering in time with the heavy beat of the music. I shouldn’t be here, I knew that, but I needed an escape. My heart felt like it was tearing apart after seeing Cassandra—Mond’s wife. Elegant, composed, untouchable. She was everything I wasn’t. 

I sat at the bar, ordering drink after drink. Whiskey, vodka, tequila—hindi ko na mabilang. Ang gusto ko lang ay makalimutan. Kalimutan ang sakit, ang hiya, ang galit sa sarili ko. Bakit ba hindi ko siya makalimutan? Bakit kahit anong pilit kong itapon ang lahat ng alaala namin, bumabalik pa rin siya? 

“Here’s your drink,” sabi ng bartender habang inilapag ang baso ko. Tumango lang ako, hindi na nag-abala pang magpasalamat. Sa dami ng iniinom ko, halos wala na akong pakiramdam. 

Napaluha ako. I hated myself for this. Para akong tanga. How could I still love him? He’s married. May asawa na siya, at kitang-kita ko kanina kung gaano kahalaga ang lugar ni Cassandra sa buhay niya. 

Napailing ako at uminom ulit. The burning sensation down my throat wasn’t enough to drown the pain. 

I wiped my tears and shook my head. “Hindi na, Alyna. Stop this. Tama na.” Pero kahit anong pilit kong kumbinsihin ang sarili ko, hindi tumitigil ang kirot sa puso ko. 

Nakita ko ang dance floor. The loud music, the crowd losing themselves in the rhythm—it called to me. Tumayo ako, medyo pasuray-suray pa, at naglakad papunta doon. 

I closed my eyes as I moved with the music, letting the beat take over. Every sway, every step felt like a way to forget, kahit panandalian lang. I danced as if no one was watching, trying to lose myself in the chaos. 

Then I felt it—strong hands on my waist. 

Napalingon ako, half-expecting a stranger, but it wasn’t. It was Travis. 

“Looks like someone’s having fun,” he said, his voice smooth and teasing. 

“Travis?” I asked, my voice slurred. “What are you doing here?” 

“I could ask you the same thing. But does it matter?” Ngumiti siya, and there was something mischievous in his eyes. “You looked like you needed company.” 

“Just… leave me alone,” sabi ko, pero hindi ako umalis. His hands were still on my waist, and we kept moving in sync. 

“Not happening,” sagot niya, his voice low as he leaned closer. “You’re too beautiful to be left alone.” 

I laughed bitterly. “Beautiful? Do you even know me?” 

“Maybe I don’t, but I’d like to,” he said, his voice filled with an odd sincerity. 

Bumalik ang atensyon ko sa sayaw. I didn’t want to think anymore. I let him hold me as we moved together. His grip on my waist tightened, and I let him pull me closer. Too close. 

The air between us shifted. His face was inches away from mine, his breath warm against my skin. “Alyna…” he murmured, his voice almost a whisper. 

I didn’t reply. I couldn’t. My mind was too clouded with alcohol and emotions I didn’t want to name. Then he kissed me. 

I froze for a moment, shocked. But the way his lips moved against mine, soft yet demanding, melted my resistance. Maybe it was the alcohol. Maybe it was the need to forget. Or maybe it was just the pain I wanted to drown. 

I kissed him back. 

His hands roamed my back, pulling me even closer. The world around us blurred. It was just the two of us, lost in the heat of the moment.