Chained for Christmas

Chapter 2: Muppets on a mission

Three excruciating hours later, the Christmas spirit was officially dead. Or at least on life support. The boys had attempted and failed to get through a single track without chaos erupting.

"Okay, I'm calling it," Louis declared, slamming his hand on the control panel. "Session's over. You're all shit."

"Excuse me?" Niall shot back, arms crossed. "Some of us were trying, y'know."

"Oh, trying, were ya?" Liam spat, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Is that what you call hitting every bloody wrong note in the book?"

"Wrong note?!" Niall surged forward like he was about to lunge, his face redder than the Christmas lights decorating the studio. "Say that again, Payne, and see what happens!"

"Alright, that's it!" Louis shouted, stepping between them before Niall's hand, which had just curled into a fist, could make contact with Liam's overly smug face. "If you two want to play WWE, do it outside! We're trying to record a Christmas album, not start a boxing match!"

Harry, sitting cross-legged on the couch, didn't even look up from his phone. "Honestly, though, I'd pay to see it. Just saying."

"Same," Zayn mumbled from the corner, his arms folded as he leaned against the wall. "But we'd need popcorn first."

"Can you all stop being unhelpful wankers for five seconds?" Louis snapped, glaring at the two onlookers before turning back to the feuding pair. "As for you two—what the hell is wrong with you?"

Niall and Liam both opened their mouths, but Louis cut them off.

"Nope. Don't care. Whatever started this mess isn't worth the headache you're giving me now. Congratulations, lads, you're both officially five years old."

By the time they left the studio, Niall had jammed his headphones in so aggressively you'd think they'd offended him personally. He marched ahead of the group, glaring at nothing in particular.

"Look at him," Louis muttered to Harry, watching Niall stomp down the street. "He's pouting. Actually pouting."

"Like a toddler who didn't get the last biscuit," Harry agreed, stuffing his hands into his coat pockets.

Behind them, Liam trailed just as silently, arms crossed so tightly he looked like he was in danger of cutting off his own circulation.

"Two toddlers," Louis corrected. "Absolute muppets, the both of them."

The plan was simple: Nando's. The universal cure for bad vibes.

Unfortunately, it didn't work.

While Louis, Harry, and Zayn tried to distract themselves with a conversation about Christmas movies ("Home Alone is obviously the best," Harry insisted, to which Zayn immediately countered, "Die Hard is a Christmas movie, fight me"), Niall and Liam sat in icy silence. The kind of silence that felt louder than shouting.

"Still not talking to each other?" Louis asked as they piled back into the tour bus that night. Neither Liam nor Niall responded.

"Great. Love that for us," Louis muttered, collapsing onto the couch.

It wasn't until an hour later, when everyone had settled in, that chaos struck again.

Liam's phone buzzed. He glanced down and frowned. "What the...?"

"What is it?" Zayn asked, glancing up from his sketchpad.

Liam didn't answer. Instead, he stood and stormed toward the back of the bus.

"Oi! Where are you—" Louis started, but then his phone buzzed.

Curious, he unlocked it, only for a laugh to escape his lips. "Oh, shit."

"What?" Harry asked, leaning over to see.

Louis turned the screen toward him, where Niall's most recent tweet was displayed:

@NiallOfficial: "Recording a Christmas album with @Real_Liam_Payne is like trying to assemble IKEA furniture with no instructions. Bloody useless. #HoHoHell"

Zayn let out a bark of laughter, and Harry clapped his hands together. "Oh, this is golden."

Before anyone could react further, Liam came storming back, phone in hand. "You think you're funny, huh?"

Niall smirked from his bunk. "I think I'm hilarious, actually."

"Yeah? Well, let's see how you feel about this." Liam raised his phone and hit send.

Louis' phone buzzed again. He opened Twitter, and there it was:

@Real_Liam_Payne: "Coming from the guy who couldn't carry a Christmas tune if it came with a sleigh. #BahHumbug"

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Louis muttered. "They're actually Twitter feuding."

"Live entertainment," Zayn said, scrolling through the replies with a smirk. "The fans are eating this up."

Niall sat up, glaring. "You wanna go, Payne? Let's go." He picked up his phone, thumbs flying across the screen.

"Are you kidding me right now?" Louis shouted, standing. "Put the bloody phones down!"

But it was too late.

"@NiallOfficial: Don't worry, Liam, I'll buy you a map to find the beat. Merry Christmas, ya knob."

"@Real_Liam_Payne: That's rich, coming from someone who thinks a key is something you lose, not sing in."

Harry doubled over in laughter. Zayn looked like he was trying not to choke.

"Enough!" Louis bellowed, snatching both phones out of their hands. "Give me strength. You two are like rabid toddlers with social media accounts. Harry, Zayn, we need a plan. Now."

"Handcuffs," Zayn suggested dryly.

Harry grinned. "Ooh, kinky."

"Not the time, Styles!" Louis snapped. "But honestly? Not the worst idea..."