Safe Place (Starlit Series #1)

Chapter 2

Home doesn't feel like home anymore simula nang mawala si daddy. My parents are both doctors but mom never came back to the hospital again to duty. Palagi nalang syang nasa bahay at umiinom. Sinisigawan at minumura ako sa tuwing makikita nya ako.

"It's all your fault Santy! Kung nakinig ka lang sana sa daddy mo edi sana buhay pa sýa hanggang ngayon!"

"If you weren't stubborn hindi ka sana susundan ng daddy mo. Hindi sana sya maaaksidente"

"Get lost, Santy!"

"Don't you dare come near me. You, stupid child"

"Just damn fucking go away! I don't need you"

Pigil luha nalang ako lagi sa harap ni mommy kapag nasa ganung state sya at tsaka nalang ibubuhos lahat ng luha ko kapag mag isa nalang ako. 

I can't blame her. I can't blame my mom. Her feelings and emotions are valid. Her rage towards me are valid. Kasi totoo naman. Kasalanan ko naman talaga. 

And then there's Elliana. Elliana never fails. Every night ay lagi nya akong pinupuntahan to comfort me. S'ya din ang nag dala sa'kin sa psychiatrist cause she was too worried about me kaya s'ya lang din ang nakakaalam ng lahat ng tungkol sa akin at sa kalagayan ko. 

Last week, while I was at the clinic with my psychiatrist and Elliana, Pell called me. She says that she's leaving to America para dun mag trabaho and she knows my plan before of going to Rome to study Psychiatry kaya naman gusto n'yang mag bonding muna kaming magkakabarkada bago kami tuluyan nang magkahiwa-hiwalay ng landas.

Honestly, I didn't want to come but Elliana being Elliana pushed me to go. She says that it might help me to recover faster.

I looked down at my phone. 5:04 am, and we still have 5 hours before we arrived at Chad's province.

Inayos ko ang sandal ko sa balikat ni Pell. I glanced once again at front to look at everyone and there I saw Franco's eyes on the rearview mirror looking at Tatiana. He caught me looking at him so he automatically plastered a genuine smile. He lifted his right arm to do a thumbs up sign, asking if I am just okay so I smile at him and nodded.

Fool. How can you be okay when you've just been diagnosed with depression? A depressed psychometrician. So embarassing.

Fool. How can I be okay when I have a feelings to one of my friend? Hiding it to anyone for almost two years.

Fool. How can I be okay when I am now slowly losing everything?

Two hours have passed that I am awake but my eyes are close. Paminsan-minsan ay nag ce-cellphone pero maya-maya ay titingin sa labas kapag nag sawa na mag phone. Kapag nag sawa naman sa tanawin sa labas ay hahalukipkip at ipipikit nalang ulit ang mga mata kahit gising naman ang buong diwa.

Napadilat ako ng mata nang marinig ko na ang boses ni Wilson at Chad na nag aasaran. Si Pell naman ay unti-unti na din na nagigising kahit halatang antok pa, masyado kasing madaldal sina Wilson at Chad. Tatiana's still sleeping.

"Hey! Ang ingay n'yo. Tone down your motherfucking voice" pag suway ni Franco sa dalawa.

"Si Chad kasi kinain yung Nova ko"

"Para yun lang! Napaka damot mo"

"Naiihi na ako" pag singit ni Pell sa away ng dalawa "Franco, stop over muna tayo baka sumabog na pantog ko"

"Sige, may malapit na din namang gasolinahan dito"

I felt my phone vibrated so I looked down on it.

IanaCDS: How's the trip?