On my last day in the "DIF," I had packed my things in one backpack. I was given stuff from Valeria that she brought from wherever she lived. The backpack and some clothes were from my mom that she brought from Puebla.
"Sara. Ya estás lista?" A lady I didn't recognize asked me if I was ready. I nod. "Okay, deja tus cosas aquí y te las llevamos más alrato. Tenemos que irnos ahorita y no tenemos mucho tiempo."
Leave my stuff? To leave? I'm leaving, right? Why do I need to leave my stuff? I stand up, and we walk out a bit fast. I wasn't sure where we were going. I just remember meeting up with one of the guys that had brought me to the DIF and walking a lot of stairs.
As we walk into a building and into a big room, an office-like room with at least 50 people in it, I see my mom in a room with a bald man talking to someone in front of them as they're seated.
The lady takes me to the room next to them. The thing separating my mom and I was a glass wall. I could barely see her because there was some stuff with files on it against the glass. I tried to distract myself. They were talking for a looooong time.
I needed to use the bathroom... I asked the lady if I could use the bathroom, and she took me. I kept glancing at the bald man. I think he was who I think he was.
"Quién es el pelon..?" I asked the lady after I got out of the bathroom. (Who's the baldy)
The lady glanced at the man, then back at me. "Ya lo verás pronto." You'll see soon. I'm a bit dumb, lady. Can't you tell me?
I waited for another 15 minutes until they finally let me into the room. My mom was outside, and only the baldy guy was in there with the judge. The bald man was crying and smiling. They were showing me pictures. Pictures of me. When I was younger. Pictures of him, my older sister, and my younger sister. All of us together. My mom wasn't in any of them.
My sisters were from different ladies. They asked me if I remembered, and I nodded. Then, the judge asked me if I wanted to live with the baldy who was my dad. I glanced at the judge, then my dad. And I thought to myself. If I stay with my mom, then I won't be able to see Yaneli, my older sister, and Regina, my younger sister. But if I go with him, then I won't be able to see my mom or my little brother..
"Y sí mejor vivo contigo por 4 años? Viví con mi mamá por 4 años, así que también puedo vivir contigo 4 años y luego me regreso a vivir con ella."
(And if I live with you for 4 years instead? I lived with my mom for 4 years, so I can live with you for 4 years as well and then return to living with her.) They didn't understand me. They took it as me, saying I want to live with my dad until I'm of age.
I was excited to see my sisters, but I didn't want to part with my mom or my brother. They were both crying. My brother wasn't even sure what was going on. All he knew was that he wasn't going to see me anymore. I didn't know the judge's plan was to make me live with my dad until I was older. It's not what I said. I didn't want to. It was supposed to be only 4 years. Why didn't they listen to me? Is it because I was only 10? Was I not old enough to decide with who I wanted to live with? I said 4 years. 4.
Life with my dad was way different here in the US than it was with my mom in Mexico. He had kept the toys I had when I was younger, and my favorite plushy, Alicia, the Alligator. He lived with his girlfriend. She had 4 kids. 2 adults and 2 younger ones. They used to yell at each other a lot. My dad would get mad that they would talk back to their mom.
Sometimes, my dad would fight with her. I asked them why they were fighting, but I guess it's none of a 10 year old's business. Their house wasn't in the US. It was in Tijuana. We would only cross to shop and go to court and stuff.
