Random BakuDeku Au's

~A silly Vent {NOT A CHAPTER}~

Birth
I never had a happy home
My mom and dad had no love
My mom always focused on my brother
My dad always focused on my sister
My dad sometimes gave me attention.
And some attention is better than some. Right?

My dad, my parents liked making me cry, I never understood why
Even as the years passed by
Till I understood why
I ignored my best friend and would make her cry
It made me have a sense of control
I knew it was wrong
But it felt right
I moved schools

Touch
I remember when he kissed me,
I remember how I felt his hardness
I remember how he desperately wanted to put it in between my thighs
But
Maybe the way just his way of kissing me goodnight?
My father would never hurt me!
Plus, jes the only one who really pays attention to me..

I wasn't that pretty anyways

He kept on playing weird games with me
And mom continued on being busy
She never had time for me
For I wasn't worth the time
And dad started to visit me les and less
He began to hang out with whores
And drink till his stomach sched

I began to hate that man.

When. He wanted to put it in between my thighs again, this was r right.

I remember how I made an excuse and got out of there
This had been going on for years

An Adult
I told my mom.
Mom told the cops.
Cops are useless.
They didn't believe me
Why didn't they believe me?

Soon began the court trial.
I was only 9
I remember social workers would visit my house
I began to feel dull
And she soon turned cruel

Rules
Emotions are bad.
They are no good.
Crying is bad.

I didn't want to live anymore. I wanted to hurt myself because I deserved it. For destroying my family.

I told my mom about my thoughts. But she didn't listen. She never did. I wanted to rell the social workers. But she told me I'd I did. I'd get taken away from her

I didn't want that!

So I lied

Closer

Without my dad
I had to get closer to my mom
But
She didn't.like me
I was to useless
Too stupid
Worthless
Ugly
I weighed to much. My hair looked like that of a witches, my teeth were yellow. I couldn't shower, or brush my teeth. I couldn't take this

I told the counselor my thoughts. I had to sign a contract, saying I wouldn't hurt myself. She called my mom

I remember I got in trouble. How could I have done that!? I'm so stupid!

I hope my mom still loves me

She put the knifes in a safe
And gave me a talking to.

Hurt
I missed my dad. But I hated him for everything he put me through, all those hits, all those makeout sessions. I didn't want any of it. But. I never said no. I was too afraid. So it was my fault.

I told my mom how it was still affecting me
And she immediately began to talk about her trauma
And how people have it worse. Like her

So I'm just over dramatic

Oh well

My friend
I'm in 7th grade now!
I have a friend
His name is blade
Blade always hugged me
He was made out of metal
I loved it when I saw the blood flow down my arm
I deserved it
The thoughts never left
I hope my mom doesn't find out
But I doubt she will
She doesn't pay enough attention
Me and hers relationship got worse
I'm all alone
I began to talk to older men
I felt comfort in them
Even if they showed me their cocks and wanted something in return
Some attention is better than none, right?

Time flys by
2 years. I had been cutting for two. I did get caught. My therapist told my mom.
But I easily started again
My mom didn't notice
Obviously not
She's clueless
I felt thankful for that

Cut
She found out again, I accidentally showed her, a little too close. Oh well
I don't get why shes so mad
I gave her so many cry's for help
She even knows about how I attempted
But me and her relationship is getting better!!!

Clown
I guess I'm gullible.
I thought we were getting closer
I guess not
I remember she used to shame me
I got an eating disorder
I remember she hated my hair
I remember when she would make me sob
I remember when she made me suicidal
I remember when she made me feel like shit
I remember when I began to cut because of her
I remember how I would have to get on my knees and sob for her not to abandon me
I remember how she made all my moments hers
I don't remember her comforting me
I don't remember her holding me
I don't remember her complimenting me
I don't remember her attention
I don't remember her letting one day be about me
But at least she buys me clothes and feeds me
I am mad
I am sad
I am bad
I'm worthless
I'm ugly
I'm useless
My only purpose is to please her
And I couldn't even do that
I wonder.
If I was hanging from the ceiling.
Would she still ignore me?

Call or text 988 if you're struggling. Remember you are not alone.