Random BakuDeku Au's

~Another goofy vent ¡NOT A CHAPTER BUT NEW CHAPTER IN LIKE 30MINS!~

Out of all the father's I could have I got you. You were supposed to love me, and make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. You did the opposite. Throughout my childhood where were you? I remember when we would EVER get a chance to spend time one on one without her you would leave to drink and go to the casino. I would see how you would laugh and play with her, my half sister, but what about me? What was I? I always thought you hated me. Like I ruined you. I always thought I was the source of the problem. You would get mad at me, yell, and hit/abuse me but, not her. Not to your little angel. I was always jealous of her. Why was it she got the love I've always wanted? Was it fair? I always thought I was the problem. I was a "gifted" child but that was never enough, I wasn't pretty or smart enough for you. And the hardest part was knowing you will never love me like you love her father. I wish you could love us the same but you didn't. You never got mad at her, or ever hit her like you did me. I was a kid, and you were a grown man, you knew everything you did to me was wrong. You were hardly there for me. For awards or school plays, never, only at hers. But despite that, when you were actually in the house or near me you were sexual. You would touch my body (minus my privates) and make me sit in your lap. And play "games" that should never be played unless your a couple. I think you were obsessed with me. But it was also my fault, I let it go on and on, because even if I didn't like that love it was still love. It's crazy how you manipulated me dad. A title you don't deserve. You are a monster. And I'm turning out like you, I'm dying to let you know how much you fucked me up. I wish you were there and that you were a good father. But I never got that, no matter how much I wanted it. And I never will get it. Just one question father, why not me?  Was it my fault? What was wrong with me? What was it that was so wrong with 0-9 year old me? No matter how hard I would try I would never be enough. You could beat/molest me but I would always be behind you. I admired you, considering you were a singer I loved hearing you. No matter how much you abused me I always loved you and came running back. Because you were my father. I thought about how cool you were. With that guitar around you when you sang. I never hated you dad. I wanted to be like you. I defended you, and protected you. Hell I even would let you molest me just so you wouldn't leave and I wouldn't have to let you go. But that day, in August of 2019, when you tried to rape your own kid I quickly got out of that situation. I wasn't stupid dad, I knew your attraction to me was wrong, but I stayed quiet. I didn't want too imagine a world without you. What would have happened if you got me pregnant that day? Well those are questions that linger in my head, but you were always the center of attention. Everyone thought you were an amazing father. I fed them those lies. I used to love you but now. Now you can go kill yourself asshole. You ruined my entire life, and left me with my mother, all alone. The world doesn't only revolve around you sir. There's people with problems to, but they don't try to rape their own fucking children! I miss you but, kill yourself. Because I don't miss you, I miss the version of you I made up in my head. Because I will never miss the real you. The nightmare who haunts me. The creepy shadow who always followed and tormented me.