I wrote this for him in an intensity I didn't know I had. I'm not getting time to update my book which a lot of you have been waiting for but here is a little something, from my heart to yours in this collection of letters from me to him.
I like taking walks at night. I'm not alone—no, not when it's so unsafe. My family is with me, yet it still feels lonely, or perhaps full of solitude if you see it my way. Every night, we walk together. My father strides ahead while my mother and brother trail behind. I'm in the middle. The streetlights illuminate the path, but it's the shadows between them that comfort me. In those shadows, no one sees my happiness as I pretend to be yours. They wouldn't understand, I'll be labelled insane.
The quiet of the night lets my mind wander. There isn't much talking, you see. I imagine you walking beside me, your hand brushing against mine. I can almost hear your laughter as we joke, and a warm, happy weight settles over my heart. But then, light approaches. My smile fades, my face neutralises, and your hand disappears. As the shadow returns, you're there again, and a dumb smile lights up my face.
Oh, how I wish these street lights would die out. For just twenty minutes, I could blissfully imagine you beside me, without hiding it from the world.
Home approaches, and the smile becomes harder to hide as your presence feels stronger than ever. But the house looms closer, and you have to disappear again—not to be seen for another twenty-four hours, for just twenty fleeting minutes.
I'll love you in the shadows, Kanha.
It's silly, I know, but the shadows feel like ours, a fleeting escape where I can let myself love you freely.
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Letters to Krishn
SpiritualI write to him, from me, from you, from us. These poems/letters/phrases are ways for me to help deal with my anxiety and stress. I find that writing helps, and makes me happier, and writing, to him is a different stage of calmness. So I'll write, a...
