𝐖𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐒 || ᴼᵘᵗᵉʳ ᵇᵃⁿᵏˢ ᶠᵃⁿᶠⁱᶜ

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐈𝐕𝐄

I walked all the way home, I didn't care where I was going but I guess I somehow memorized the way home because I made it - to the Maybank house, one thought came to mind I just hoped my father wasn't home, that's all.

It was dark by now, really dark the night sky was a stark contrast to the stars; it looked pretty - very pretty.

Like if I looked away the moment would be gone but I knew I had too so I reluctantly did, walking up the creaky stairs that I seemed to memorize I knew every last noise those steps made I made sure to step over the mess that are on the stairs this house always cluttered but come to think of it, I memorize many things, I infatuate on a singular idea and I don't even mean to, but it's like muscle memory, something I just do without thinking.

I had to pull a little harder on the screen door than normal having to kick it to get it fully open like always it's a struggle my dad used to say years ago he will get it fixed spoiler he's been too drunk to do so, which don't get me wrong I'm grateful for because he doesn't care about what I do, but I'd rather him be blackout drunk, you know the ones we're you pass out for drinking too much?

Like a drunk coma, at least it didn't hurt.

But who am I kidding it always did, if it would rather be sad seeing my father choosing drugs or drinking over us again or if it's him causing harm to us - they both hurt so either way is fine I'd rather him be that way towards me than Jj even if I am younger than him, I know I can take it and Jj I'm just not so sure.

My sights landed on my father drunk on a couch beer bottles empty around him discarded like everything he touched, no never mind that everything he came in contact with.

Everyone knew that even the whole island knew that, but he seemed to wake up once I closed the door and you could hear the slight noise of..

Bang!

I didn't mean for it to be that loud, and I flinched a little at the noise, he looked up at me with a sleepy face his eyes still groggy, but also bloodshot and I could tell..he was high, "Where the hell have you been?" He practically seethed giving me a glare like he was looking into my soul..I hate that glare.

"None of your business I was just with my friends, just go back to bed," I put up the best face I could put, hoping he'd just let it be that.

I turned walking through the kitchen's threshold hoping that would put some sort of distance between me and my father - but that was quickly objected by the pull from my wrist.
- I was swiftly pulled back hitting the wall hard, some pain went through my back like a shock a rather painful one.

"Dad, please..your drunk again," I pleaded I tried to wiggle out of his grip but it was firm, holding me against the wall.

"Just shut up!" His voice full of hatred..anger, who was he to hate me? If anything I should hate him, but yet I didn't, and I had a good reason too, and then he threw me on the floor hard.

"What the hell is wrong with you.." I muttered I noticed a different look in his eyes, one I haven't seen before, I mean yeah I'm used to his aggression but this was different, it's almost like he didn't know me and that just let me know how really out of it he was.

That..broke me and the anger I've been holding back boiled over, I stood up lunging at him for once I wanted him to feel the same pain me and Jj feel when he beats us, for once.

He looked surprised like he didn't expect me to do that, and I didn't expect it either normally I just sat by let him do it and get it over with, but today I just couldn't find a reason.

He tried to deliver a upper cut but I quickly grabbed hold of his wrist, and shoved him into the wall, he stumbled back..and looked at me.

I saw the look in his eyes I had..
I froze in place like I couldn't move,
Couldn't beckon anything,
Couldn't speak,
I just stood there looking at my hands that just inflicted violence..on the one man I swore I didn't wanna be like, that I hoped and prayed that, that wouldn't ever happen, I see myself in him now - my worst fear being true.

I normally never had a problem with fighting, I did it to blow off steam, sure I never liked it, but I did it anyways, I just made sure my friends never saw or my brother although the friend part failed Pope has seen it, the only one who has.

I always tried to keep that part hidden, the violent and easily angered Arche, I presented this sweet, and nice Arche to everyone else..and now the line, between those two that faint line, it was getting blurry; like it was all fading in.

And it was getting harder to see between those lines, the ones that were once so distinct that I could hide them are blending into a chaotic singular - before I ever wished it did.

Do I look like him?

The one question on my mind.