Arrays of Algolagnia

Chapter 8 ...I'm not all bad, but I'm no angel.

Frank Pov

It all feels like a bad dream that I can't wake from, and it started almost 7 years ago. Meeting Mel, that wonderful weekend we spent together, that I thought was the start of something special, only to have her blow me off. at the time, I thought to myself, it was fine. I liked the chase. So that's what I did, until work and life became overwhelming in the worst ways. My mother past unexpectedly and I had to put my father in rehab due to him relapsing and almost Overdosing. My mother's sudden death really hit him hard. despite everything he put her through with his addiction, she never left his side and now he was alone. seeing everything my father put my mother through, I told myself I would never be that type of burden to anyone.

That is, until I lost my son. I was visiting my father when Mel called me to tell me she was pregnant. At the time, I was feeling as low as someone could feel before taking a knife and slicing their wrist open. In a lot of ways, I felt like my mother must have heard my silent cries and sent Mel to me. she saved me that day. who knows what I would've done if she didn't call.

I immediately jumped into action. Despite her having reservations about us and the baby, Mel went along with whatever I wanted for us whether it was, moving in together or getting married. So we did both. those 9 months were the best months of my entire life, filled with so much love and hope just to be torn down in a matter of seconds.

When I lost my son, I felt like I was losing my entire family again. I was convinced Mel would not stay with me since we lost the only thing that I felt was holding us together at the time. so while she was in the hospital, giving birth to our dead baby and mourning our son, I was with some friends getting high for the first time. the next few days were a drug-filled haze. I just knew, I was too high to feel down and that was exactly what I needed.

Then it was time to return to reality. It was hard to return to the hospital when it was time to pick her up. I stood outside the doors for hours before calling Jack and asking him to pick her up. I made some excuse about wanting to get the house ready. but really, I was just a coward. To think, we entered the hospital full of hope and a baby on the way and now were leaving without him.

The next year was a struggle for the both of us as I spent most of it pushing her away and getting high. I didn't expect her to hold on to me so tightly. But once I realized that she did actually love me for me and wanted to be with me, and not just because we were having a baby, it was too late. I was too far down the rabbit hole.

When she found out about my drug addiction, she tried everything in her power to get me to get better. Even going as far as taking all the blame on herself. I knew she wasn't to blame, but it was easier to let her feel that way. we don't have our baby holding her here anymore, but now my addiction will.

I started to become addicted to the power I had over her. knowing that no matter what she would always be here for me, it made it easy to blame her for allowing me to hurt her.

I never thought it would end like this. Hell, I never thought it would end. And now she is gone.

I don't remember much from last night except the look on her face as she told me leave. I can only guess how the night went from my cut hand wrapped in her panties. I get out of bed, to find that I'm naked and apparently we had sex last night... or this morning. I shake my head and groan as a sharp pain hits me in the temples.

I drag myself to the bathroom and turn on the shower. my hand stings as the hot water hit it. once I'm done washing, I throw on some jogging pants and a t-shirt and head to the kitchen for coffee. I tell myself; she didn't mean it. she loves me. she told me so last night. I frown as I try to drudge up the memory of her saying it. its fuzzy, but I'm sure she did and I'm sure she does.