You're my Peace

Chapter 1:

"Why do you take me here? Why can't we go somewhere different for a change?" I asked him; he smiled as he looked out the window, and I kept looking at him. It was hard to look away from someone who was just too perfect. "Because it's where we met for the first time. This place holds beautiful memories." He answered as I watched the cars stroll along the paved road to get to their destinations. I took the smell of this beautiful place in and turned my head to look back at him, and smiled; for some reason, he was the only person who could make me smile.

"Emris? Did you hear me?" He asked. I looked back at him with a sheepish smile, "Not one bit." I answered while laughing, and he gave a slight chuckle as he smiled, "Do I bore?" he asked. How could someone so precious to me bore me?

Why. Why can't you listen to him? Why do you ignore him?

"I didn't ignore him! He can't ever bore me!" I answered, "Emris... I was just kidding. You didn't ignore me. You were just taking in the scenery." He said to me. I looked up at him with a smile, "Exactly. I was taking in the scenery." I said to him as I smiled.

"Chan. Can you hold my hand?" I asked him, and he smiled. "Em, I'm already holding your hand. I'm actually holding both." He smiled as I looked down, and he was indeed holding both my hands. I saw him lightly squeezing them, but I felt nothing. It was weird to me, how could I see him holding my hands, but not feel them? "Uh, Chan?"

"Alright, it's time for your med." The guard said, I looked around finding myself back in my disgusting cell. Chan must have dropped me off here. I didn't notice because I had fallen asleep. I looked back at the guard, "I don't need those." I told him, day after day, we have this fight. I tell him I'm not crazy, and he insists that I am because of where I am. Is it my fault that no one believes my words? No. No, it's not.

Please, Emris, I don't want to tase you, but you know I will." He said showing his taser. That was a lie. Gerald, the guard. He gets a kick out of torturing his patients. Call it a guilty pleasure, if you will.

Chan would never let him do that. Chan would never let anyone hurt you. He will protect you.

"That's right." I looked at the guard and narrowed my eyes at him. "Chan would never let you hurt me. He protects me," I said with a smirk. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where's your precious Chan now? Oh that's right he isn't here, you want to know why? BECAUSE HE DOESN'T CARE!"

LIAR. Chan always cares.

"YOU ARE A LIAR! CHAN DOES CARE ABOUT ME!" I yelled at him. Chan would never leave me. He is always here. He just left because he got busy. Right?

ARE YOU DOUBTING CHAN NOW?

"NO! NO! NO!" I grab both sides of my head and shut my eyes tightly. The guard came into my cell and grabbed my shoulders, "Take the medicine, Emris." He tried to force the pills down my throat, and I shoved him off of me. "I'm not taking those," I stated with my chest rising and falling quickly from the adrenaline rush from the scene that just played. "You," He pointed the taser at me and shook it as he pointed it, "You have a choice: take the medicine conscious or on the cement floor, you decide."

He came up to me as I backed up and hit the corner with my back. "Get away from me!" I exclaimed, and he got closer. "Take the medicine, Emris." I shook my head, "I'm not taking them, and you can't make me!" I exclaimed. Gerald came up to me, and I looked straight into his eyes as I felt my body jolt, "On the floor, it is then." That is all I heard him say.

"Hi, sweetheart!" His voice sounded so smooth, and I liked it. I liked his face. I liked everything about it. He made me smile. I liked that he did that.

Our view was no longer the bakery. It was a field. The sun was setting, "You took me somewhere different?" I looked back at him and asked. He nodded, "You seemed bored at the bakery, so I wanted to bring you somewhere special." He explained he looked at me as he grabbed my hand. I still couldn't feel it, but the fact that he held it made me smile at him. "I wasn't bored. I was trying to soak in the moment." I said as he brought his chin on my shoulder, "I brought you something." He stated he took one of his hands from behind his back, revealing a bouquet of my favorite flowers. Carnations. I gasped when I saw them and smiled as I looked at him, "You remembered my favorite?" I asked as I took them from his hand to smell them. My eyes shut as I smelled them, reminding me of peace. "Of course, I'd never forget anything about you. My world revolves around you, Emmy." He stated with his gorgeous smile.

Chan is too sweet to be real. Is he even real?

"Of course he is real," I answered myself, "Of course I'm real, I am right here, and I'm never going to leave." He said I hugged him. "I know. I just can't get over how the universe brought me someone as sweet as you. Someone I could call..."

FOREVER, he is your Forever. Never forget it.

"Forever, I couldn't possibly forget that," I said as I snuggled my head into his neck; I felt his smile, and it made me feel at peace. "You're my forever. For always Em." He said, I'd like to imagine that in that moment, he squeezed me tightly as I did him. I never wanted to let him go, but I also wanted to feel it. Seeing him do an action is one thing, but not feeling is another. "Chan? Why can't I..."

He doesn't deserve you!

"No! You're lying." I told myself. "You are one crazy bitch!" Gerald stated. Gerald likes to come and taunt me. HE makes up these crazy delusions in his head, calling me crazy, but I know who I am. "I'm not crazy. It is not my fault that you don't believe my words. I won't force you to believe them. but forcing me to believe that I am apocryphal things is wrong." I said with a shrug, "And that is why you are in a cell, and I get to see the outside world." He stated.

It's been so long since I got to see the outside world. This dust bowl of a cell is, well... claustrophobic, and the only escape I have is when Chan comes to visit and take me out. He has been making his visits short lately I wondered why that was to be honest. He and I liked to hang out with each other.

Was I starting to bore him?

Maybe. You are a boring person, after all. You live in a cell. You have nothing to offer him.

Have I upset him in some kind of way? Did I do something or say something wrong? I must have hurt his feelings by not bringing him something in return for my bouquet. My eyes widened. "My bouquet!" I go to my bed and look at it; it is nothing but my cover and pillow. I then looked under my bed with no sign of it there either.

"GERALD!" I yelled!

He came to the side of my cell, "What now?" He asked, "Give them back." I stated, he cocked his head to the side in confusion. "I know you took my flowers. Give them back." I exclaimed, "What the hell are you talking about now?" "My flowers. Chan came and took me out and got me flowers, now give them back. This isn't a game, Gerald. I want my flowers back!" I yelled. Gerald banged his hand against the cell, making me jump. "You must have forgotten who was in the cell and who was on the outside of the cell. I don't have your fucking flowers. Nor do you own any flowers. Chan never came because he is not real!" My cheeks flushed red as I felt the heat burst to my ears. If I could produce steam right now, it would be seen floating from my ears and flushing out through my nose. "I SAID GIVE THEM BACK!" I screamed as I wrapped my hands around the bars, shaking the door as it made a loud noise.

You lost the flowers that Chan gave you. God, you really are a screwup!

"I am not a screwup! You did this to me!" I said, grabbing both sides of my head. I started hitting the sides of my head hard, "You did this to me. If it wasn't for you, I'd still be with Chan. I hate you! I hate you! I HATE YOU!" I said, applying pressure to my temples, "God Emris, do you ever stop!" Gerald said as he was coming in to stop the harm, but I wasn't hurting myself. I was simply giving discipline to the voice that resides in my head.