HIS HYUNGS

CHAPTER- 14

Spiraling Out Of Control

"Can we go home?"

"So, he sent you to me because he thought I am stricter than everyone? HUH?" Yoongi's voice roared inside his cabin as Namjoon flinched and bit his lips tightly... A small habit that never left him. A large hand grasped the blonde locks of his hair as he let out a small shriek in surprise, his brothers were never this violent with him, not Yoongi of course.

"Well then, let me obey my elder brother's words, don't you think namjoonie?"

Namjoon shivered and felt his heart beating at a louder and faster rate, at this point, he was scared of everything happening around him.. He was too scarred to react, what if they hurt him for that? 

"Answer me namjoonie, wouldn't it be fun?"

 The chilly voice rasped out and he felt the shivers travel down his spine, the nickname was cute of course and oh how long has he yearned to be addressed by that again.. but definitely not in this way, this was way scarier, it made his mind go numb and body shake with fear.

Tears build up in his eyes slowly and kissed his cheeks, and when the elder saw this, his eyes softened a little and left the blonde's soft hair.

"Stop crying, focus on your work now" His voice was harsh and stern which made the younger nod his head and leave the cabin, thinking that his brother would feel disgusted to comfort him, but the scenario was totally different once he left.

Yoongi sat with a grumpy face on his chair and grasped his hair in frustration, what was he doing? What was he supposed to do? Everything felt so wrong, it was his younger brother whom he is being rude with, but suddenly an idea popped up in his in, he could just tell the younger to print some papers and then give him some light work... Maybe take him dinner at his favourite place too? Then it stricked him that he never knew which place the blonde liked the most.

The elder's eyes moistened when he realized that he never knew the younger's favourite color, or the food which is close to his heart the most... Now that  he sat and thought about it, he even forgot the youngers birthday.

Frustrated and angry, the elder just informed his assistant to assign his younger brother the job and left to get a coffee. 

This day could get a lot worse and painful 

With the clock ticking and the screen being right in front of his face, Namjoon couldn't help but feel like a burden to all, he felt neglected and frustrated, from his youth he was never allowed to voice out his emotions or talk about them openly with any one, he was told to be a man and control his emotions, he never cried in front of everyone.

Namjoon was always thought to be a bright kid with no worries, he could solve his problems, he understands every ones difficulties well and he can always be happy and strong in his life.

They were wrong, every single one of them was wrong, how could his own mother not notice the sadness lingering in his eyes? 

The first ever time when he felt his heart break was when his family refused to attend his valedictory ceremony, they didn't have a big job nor did they have something important to attend to, they just chose to not come  simply because they were tired, but wasn't it his big day?

How come they were not tired when the others had their own special days?

There when he stood on the stage, without his parents, without his brothers, with nobody but him on the stage, holding the trophy he had been awaiting for, while his friends were busy taking pictures with their parents and siblings, he realized that nobody cared about him.

But still, being the naive little boy, yearning for love, he always tried to convince himself that it was nothing.

He thought of another time when he just wanted to have some more noodles when he was tired and worn out due to the practices which left him in tears due to the harsh words he received from his father, he thought he would receive some love and consolation later on, but all he received was hateful glances and annoyed sighs from the rest of the family.

Namjoon was a person who believed in peace, he tried his best to satisfy the other people rather than follow his own heart, he left his passions and dreams hoping that he would get a little bit of love from his family.

But he realized they never believed or trusted him as a family member when the big incident took place which changed every thing in him, his trauma had become so much that he was once found with a bath tub filled with his blood and water which made his family scorn at him even  more for being weak.

Alas, what could he do? 

He thought dying was the only option left, they made him think so, the hateful words would pierce right into his heart like needles, they would sting him and leave him wounded.

He had to fight to reach the shore, he faced so much in his life that his family never knew of...

Now that he pondered over it, they don't know what he is..

They don't know a single thing of his likes or dislikes.

They don't know why he never cried at their father's and mother's funeral.

They know nothing

And they deserve to know nothing.

They left him all alone in a sea filled with sharks and high tides, they don't have to know his sufferings  to reach the shore.

He was all alone now, crumbled on the floor so pathetically, he couldn't cry out even if he wanted to.

He gave up trying to calm himself as it proved to be useless. He felt disgusted with himself, he just needed to collect himself before anyone entered and saw  him in such a miserable state.

As soon as he told himself to calm down, another heart breaking sob escaped his throat and more cries flooded out of him.

Then the sound of another door except it was followed by a blinding light and the ceasing of footsteps were the last things his mind registered before his body gave up and collapsed.