Closer | Good Omens X Male!OC/Reader

1| In the... something?

It was a nice day.

All the days had been nice, not that I'd been keeping track. I forgot what days that were different from the recent ones were like. I didn't even know what time was day.

Maybe when I get out of here I'll remember.

I never knew what the days were like before all this happened, and now these days are all I know, which is why I call them nice.

If I called them anything else, I'm sure I would lose my mind.

Speaking of remembering, who was I?

I mean, not who I am now, I know that, and that I know is nothing, but who was I before the days were nice in here?

I bet I was awful. No one you'd like. Not that I need you to like me, I only need one thing. I need a miracle, really. I lied; that's not it. Just a metaphor, honestly. But it's okay; everything is okay as long as I tell myself it is. Cogito ergo sum; I think, therefore I am.

The days in hell are nice.

But I'm not a demon, so why am I here?

To be in Hell, you have to do something awful, absolutely despicable. Which is why I am in hell, though not really Hell, because I have done nothing. I did nothing yet I am in hell, for I am in hell because I did nothing.

Don't worry, it will all make sense soon.

Trust me, my story, whether you know it or not, is very unlikable. My entire concept is pretty unlikable. Not because I'm pathetic, though that plays a part, but because it gets in the way of what most people were rooting for. That is why I have to be nothing so no one will ever suffer for me.

Pathetic? What the hell was I talking about? I'm fine, that is all, because nothing is fine and I am nothing, right? The days in hell were nice, though this isn't Hell at all. It's only a place called hell, but it's really nice in here. I promise.

BANG, BANG, BANG!

The left metal wall, of them, echoed heavily as it was being pounded from the other side.

"Oi! Shut up in there, will you?!"

Another tenant of "Hell" begged me to shut up.

Man, were they crazy, huh?

Wait, was I really narrating out loud?

I need the red suit lady to bring me my medicine.

Who am I fooling?

I don't take medicine. This is Hell, after all.

Suddenly, the sound of three solemn knocks on the door bounced off the walls of my enclosure, practically punching me out of my line of former thought.

"Zemirethus?" A stern male voice called out from the outside. "I know you're in there!"

I don't, do I?

Maybe that was the red suit lady, only now she was a he and he started taking HRT. Wow, what a tongue twister. Good for him, though.

"ZEMIRETHUS! ANSWER ME, YOU BLOODY FIEND."

Wait a minute, this was Hell! There was no gender-affirming care in Hell. No one was that happy.

So who the hell was that?!

I scrambled to the door from the criss-cross position I was sitting in on the cold, concrete ground.

"Who is- OW!"

WHAM!

I started, though was immediately cut off as I forgot my leg was asleep and face-planted directly into the diamond-plate door of my box.