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The sunlight streamed through the trees, spotted and golden but still too bright for my liking. It caught on my skin whenever I shifted in the shade, lighting up the tiny glittering facets that made me so different. I hated it. Not the glitter itself; it was pretty in a way, like the sheen of a gemstone, but because it set me apart. It wasn't human. None of them looked like this. None of them sparkled under the sun like an ornament meant to be stared at. And because I didn't look like them, they wouldn't like me.

So, I stayed hidden, crouched in a bush just on the outskirts of my field, where the woods began. The dense undergrowth and tangled branches shielded me from view, though I could hear the occasional voices drifting in the wind, people laughing and chattering, oblivious to my presence. I didn't want them to see me. Not like this, not muddy and glittering like a strange, misplaced thing. The idea of their gazes landing on me filled my stomach with knots.

I shifted slightly, leaning back into the rough bark of a tree trunk, and my thoughts drifted to the man from yesterday. His face hovered in my mind, calm and pale, his golden eyes soft but unnervingly steady. He had introduced himself, I think, but I hadn't been paying attention. My focus had been sharp, tuned entirely to the threat he might pose. I had dissected every word he'd spoken and every slight movement of his hands, looking for signs of danger. In the end, I couldn't even remember his name. It hadn't seemed important. Survival came first.

Still, he hadn't attacked. He hadn't lunged or raised his voice or tried to grab me. He had just sat there, speaking in that steady, careful way of his. I couldn't trust it, though. Not yet. He was like me that much, and that was clear. He smelled dead, just as I did, and that made him dangerous. Just because he hadn't hurt me last night didn't mean he wouldn't in the future. I wasn't going to take that chance.

I looked down at the rabbit in my arms. It was small and soft, its fur still mostly smooth despite the patches of dirt clinging to it. Its eyes were closed now, but I remembered the way they had shone in the moonlight last night, wide and frightened. The man, the one with the golden eyes, had brought it to me. He'd held it out, offering it as if it were some kind of peace token.

At first, I hadn't let him kill it. I'd wanted to hold it instead, feeling its warmth against my hands, the gentle pulse of its heartbeat beneath its fur. I'd cradled it for hours, even as its trembling slowed and finally stopped. For a while, it was just soft and warm, and I liked that. I liked the feeling of it nestled close. It had made the cold night feel a little less empty.

But hunger had won in the end. By the time the sky had begun to lighten, the rabbit had become a meal. I hadn't wanted to, but the aching gnaw in my stomach refused to be ignored. It had tasted good better than I'd expected but not too good. Not enough to make me forget its soft weight in my arms.

I brushed my fingers through its fur absently, the corpse now limp and still, no longer warm. I'd probably need to find another one tonight. Not just to eat but to hold. I didn't like the idea of the emptiness that came with having nothing to clutch in the dark.

A sound broke through my thoughts, distant but familiar. Footsteps. My body stiffened, and I ducked lower into the bush, peering out through the leaves. A group of hikers had wandered into the field, their bright jackets clashing with the muted greens and browns of the landscape. They were laughing, gesturing animatedly as they pointed at the sky and the trees. I pressed myself closer to the ground, praying they wouldn't come near.

They didn't. They stayed in the open, moving across the far edge of the field, their voices growing faint as they disappeared into the woods on the opposite side.

Still, my heart thudded in my chest, and I stayed rooted in place. My fingers ran absent circles over the rabbit's fur, grounding me until I was sure they were gone.

The sun was still too high. Too bright. I would wait until it set when the world felt quieter and safer, and then I'd look for another rabbit. For now, I would remain here, half-hidden in the shadows, thinking of golden eyes and soft voices that didn't match the scent of death beneath them.

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27th november 2024

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