Cold Hands

Echoes of Winter

  The snow pours down to the point coldness is everywhere and not an ounce of warmth. Winter feels eternal like my cold heart searching for sunlight on these cloudy days. Some people are like icebergs; they reveal their true selves gradually, needing warmth and light to truly open up to the world around them. I have happiness surrounding me but I feel none, I have caring individuals by my side but I still feel a sense of loneliness. I'm as hopeless as a lost puppy looking for their owner. Why am I so depressed? Why does my soul feel nothing but numbness? Thoughts wander through my mind, though slowly I notice a red fox searching for its prey. As that fox continues to search for its prey it gradually finds it a squirrel. The way the squirrel ran and ran but it was no match for its hunter, as the prey always gets caught. And just like that fox, my mind searched for hidden memories, locked away in the deepest of my soul. The memories of my abuse From my fresh childhood to my early teens at fourteen. Even as a twenty-one-year-old adult, that trauma follows me like an annoying mosquito pestering me all day and night, when I'm trying to enjoy moments of peace I can not due to that pesky mosquito. I'm not as bothered as you think, I feel nothing and I mean it is nothing but numbness. Every day, I live with no meaning and no emotions of sadness or happiness, I patiently wait for the day of demise.

 I slowly enter my apartment returning from my walk, but to my surprise, a young girl with short hazel hair wearing a red beanie and a cozy orange puffer jacket is sitting outside my apartment. I sigh trying to think what to say, but then I notice this young girl was asleep while shivering and looking awfully pale. I crouch down to her eye level and put my hand on her forehead, checking if she has a potential fever. And in my horror, she does, for a certain reason I feel drawn to this young girl. I'm worried, which is unusual considering I don't give a damn about others. I perceive myself as a cold person bound to lose all emotions that are hanging on a thin line. Oh, my days, what am I thinking? This is an innocent child though despite my need of wanting to help, I don't know how to. I glance to my sides looking for possible solutions, there's not much I can do so I slowly nudge the young girl gently. 

 "Are you okay?" I ask, trying to make my voice seem nicer and softer so the child doesn't feel intimidated. For a bit I receive no reply, so I try to nudge her softly once more but nothing, I sigh as I look down at the glossy floor then slowly up at her. In my horror, I see tears tumbling down her soft skin. 

 "Mum- Mummy.. I don't know what I did.. but p- please stop hi- hitting me" The young girl whispers in her dream. My eyes widened as I tumbled down on the glossy floor. I stayed there frozen, not being able to move an inch. I couldn't take action, so time took action for me. 

"What the hell do you think you're doing with my kid?!" A tall woman appearing to be in her late twenties or early thirties appears in front of me screaming, while holding onto her cigarette.