Cold Hands

Memories of time part 1

(The mother and daughter leave). I stand there staring at nothing but the glossy apartment floor in absolute regret. I wanted to scream, I wanted to help... I wanted to do something at least... Anything. But the hard pill to swallow is that I did nothing again, I'm as useless as I was 9 years ago. Years ago, I trusted others to share about my struggles, I thought they cared... I thought they were my friends but even the word 'friends' has end in it. I shared to my best friends about my abuse and my scars that I got from my parents. And the next thing I knew I was called names by my supposed 'friends' after a disagreement.

"LOOK KAYLEE! CAN YOU JUST SHUT UP YOUR FREAKING NOBODY, NO ONE EVEN LIKES YOU... NOT EVEN YOUR OWN PARENTS!" My best friend at the time sputtered in hate towards me. We had an argument over how my best friend; Mira, changed for the worse and started smoking. I cared for Mira, more than anything or anyone so I wasn't going to stand there watching her, destroy herself to seem 'popular' or 'cool' just to be liked by others. Though, when you clench so much on others' problems, it no longer is their problem but yours. Ha! I guess it's really true isn't it? You really do see your ones' true colors in moments of raging anger. Though I was wrong, I assumed she just said that in pure anger without thinking. How could I stupid could I be? Mira meant EVERY WORD of that, she changed... for the worst, but I still hold a large portion of gratitude towards her. For teaching me a lessons' that I'll carry all the way to the depths of my grave. From Mira I learnt; firstly, was to never ever open up to anyone no matter whom it was, as everyone is temporary and destined to leave. Can you blame them though? It's human nature wanting to exploit one for their own benefits. Humans, we are cruel creatures, our skins dry when there is no drama to consume. We find pleasure in one's misery, as a loss for one is another joy. Your misery is someone's victory just like how your victory is someone's misery. Secondly, eternal love and friendship, that doesn't exist. For it to be eternal must it be forever. In the concept of eternal love, you must understand that arguments do not exist nor can you despise them for even a slight second. That my friend, you can search high above the skies or beneath the seven seas but you'll never find eternal feelings of love. Us humans are very emotional beings, feeling a vast amount of emotions. Isn't that beautiful? Thus, I do not agree on the concept of eternal love or friendship. Thirdly; people change. PEOPLE CHANGE. People change in themselves, phases arise and they find another part of themselves. Perhaps it could be as simple as a hobby or a new interest, or a huge part of them changes. It's like losing a piece from a puzzle, it takes forever to find it or maybe you won't even find it. It's human nature, wanting to grow and change to experience life in a different way. And lastly, the most valuable lesson I've learnt; to never open up and bottle up my emotions. It's gotten to the point that I feel nothing but numbness, honestly I don't feel anything. For normal people in society that may appear as awful and they'd simply pity me. Though for me it's the best event to occur in my life, yes I may be considered heartless but isn't it better to have a heart of steel than have a soft one? Emotions made me weak, opening up ruined my life. That's something I refuse to let happen again.

I still remember as clear as glass crying my eyes out, my hands shivering as the cold snow pours tumbles upon me. My best friend Mira and her gang were throwing snowballs at me one after another. They stripped away my jacket, my gloves and my beanie. I was freezing ill, though did anyone do anything? Absolutely not, everyone minds their own business in this world even my so 'caring' teachers who swore against bullying witnessed the very thing they quoted to 'despise'. Bullying is torture, it doesn't necessarily mean receiving punches, bullying comes in many forms. I experienced a vast majority of them, ranging from mental to physical.

"Ay Kaylee! Put on your hotspot, yeah?" Mira demanded from me passive-aggressively, with a tense expression awaiting for me to do as she pleased.

"I'm kind of saving mine to do homework, as um I don't have you know Wi-Fi at home..." I whispered softly so only Mira could hear. She rolled her eyes and smirked.

"Bitch. You're going to let me and my friends connect to your hotspot or else... You don't want your little secret out right?" She scoffed as she looked me up and down with a smirk slowly forming on the corners of her lips. My eyes widened in shock as I stood there speechless for a moment, slowly my eyes drifted to the corner of the room wondering what to say. Mira suddenly puts her hand on my shoulder and slowly tightening her grip. Once again I just stood there as if I saw a ghost. As my eyes stayed glued gazing at the corner of the room, I saw a pen slowly fall down from the pen holder. That sudden motion snapped inside of me bringing back to reality and I took a deep slow breathe before saying my words.

"Quit blackmailing me you stupid bitch."