Piano Man

68- before they wrre 86'd

We all sat there in silence staring blankly at each other. We were mostly in shock. The boys had been playing music for years but they never made a band until a month ago and now we were getting to play at 924 Gilman Street.

Billie finally broke the silence. 

"Shit, we did it."

We all were still frozen. Mike and I sat on the couch, Billie on the loveseat, and Tre in the bean bag.  Billie started to play with his long moppy black hair pulling his hands through it.

"Am I going to be the only one talking? Hell, I accepted at least Tre to be yabbering?"

"I think we're just in shock."

I finally spoke up.

"I get that but this is not the kind of time to be frozen, it's the time to get moving, Lyla starts writing, Mike gets on the bass and Tre moves your ass to his drums."

Billie said enthusiastically.

"Bill, I- holy shit is all that's replaying over and over in my head."

Mike looked up at Billie.

"Mike, I know, but c'mon this is a step forward."

"We all know that we just don't know what to do about it."

Billie Joe stared blankly at him. I could tell he didn't know what to say but he knew what he was thinking.

"Why don't you guys just pick out a set of songs you want to perform? Music that if LookOut sees you guys, you'd want on a CD or vinyl."

I answered for him.

"Like any label is going to sign us."

Billie Joe snarled.

"Beej you just gotta think forward."

He rolled his eyes and his toothy grin poked through.

I moved over by Billie where I had laid my bag against the love seat and pulled out my journal. The beaten book had been through almost everything with me in the past two years. Billie suggested I keep a journal for writing purposes since he "doesn't wanna miss out on stealing my lyrics".  The journal was small but had enough space to write decently. There were no lines and I used it for lyrics, drawings, and writing. Most of the pages of course were of lyrics, however, as that's what just always came naturally to me. I had collected wrappers, newspapers, and other junk I had gotten only for it to be glued into a book and written over.

I sat next to Billie Joe on the loveseat with my legs sitting up on the couch crisscrossed. Billie had had his legs crossed ankle to knee but he crossed him fully over and moved closer to me. I opened my book flipping through the pages. Billie snatched it out of my hand and started looking for a specific page.

"What are you looking for?"

He just side-eyed me and kept looking through the pages.

The thing was that the book had all of my feelings and emotions bound into scrap paper and hidden meanings behind the words. Everything I had felt for him was written in there yet no matter how many times he read my words neither, he nor the boys seemed to pick out the meanings. They just assumed what I wrote about were people I had stupid hallway crushes on, girls I had vendettas on because they were popular, and stole my supposed hallway crush. Anytime he looked through my book I had a small guttural feeling that something would click in his brain and then our friendship and my part in the band would crumble into nothing.  Hell, I basically would write them as love letters to him and give them to him as if it were just casual.

"Here we go!"

"What?"

I looked over to the page. The one where I drew a paper coffee cup in the same colors of 409 degreasers. The Navy Blue and Aqua colors with a hard hard of white and 409 written across them.

"You wanna play 409 In Your Coffeemaker as your big "Were Green Day hear our roar!"?"

I asked mockingly quoting as if I was him.

"Fuck off, it's a good song!"

"Okay sure but that cannot be your opener or your closer."

"Why not?"

"Because it's about killing Senora Ruiz"

"Whatever!"

"Beej c'mon let's think."

We flipped over the pages looking for something to open and close with. Billie leaned over me looking in the book. I started to lose track of everything and the calm feeling of being with the boys washed over me. I felt light when I was relaxed. I loved listening to Billie and Tre act like idiots as Mike and I laughed at them. I loved when Billie would always put me first and make sure I was involved in everything because I was "The only reason the band was a band." Despite never actually playing an instrument, and barely being able to read music. I liked listening to the sound Blue would make when Billie's fingers dragged on the chords. The fast pace of Tre's drums and how Mike's Bass lines were added to the perfect blend for the combination. Then when Billie would sing I would get those chills, the good kind that you get when you see a musical, and the vocals are nothing but perfection.