Piano Man

You're My Home

Billie's Pov

October 9th, 1985

I was sitting on my bedroom floor holding my blue guitar. Blue has been something I held close to me for years because it was something given to me by my mother after my father's death. The weather was starting to cool down, so my window was shut for the first time in months. My hair was brown and my curls were long overdue for a haircut. They laid just above my shoulders. I played blue, random chords, trying to find what sounds worked well together.

I heard trees crackling presumingly from the wind. I looked over only to see Lyla wearing a letterman jacket-her father's, a black tee, her beat-up jorts, and her hair was still half curled. I quickly got off the ground and pulled my window up.

"Are you okay?"

I reached for her hand and pulled her into my bedroom.

"Yeah, well no but I will be."

I looked down at her hands, they were fidgeting with the thick cuffs of the sleeves. Her eyes looked scared like she had been spooked by something, like a creature had come out of nowhere and tried to steal her soul.

"Lyla, what's going on? Did something happen at the party?"

"It wasn't just the party-"

She looked down and then right into my eyes.

"-I-I-Beej, I feel like I'm nothing, I failed at the one thing I did right and everyone at the party, all the people who hadn't seen me since either when I was no more than 2 feet or people who saw my dreams fall, Asking me if I was better and if I would be on stage again soon. And I couldn't help but feel trapped in this swarm of reminders and- "

She was rambling, and I could tell she needed to breathe. Her voice was breaking.
I pulled her into me, her head on my chest. She wrapped her arms around me. I felt her heart pounding and she kept taking in short breaths.
"You are not a failure."

She looked at me with her walnut eyes. They were happy and tired.

"It's not just that, I just, I feel trapped. I don't know if he loves me, and everything about me is so unlovable, and what if I'm just a lousy sinner I feel like I'm going to burn every time I walk into that building."

I held her tighter placed my head on hers and just let her tell me everything.

"I wish I wouldn't like them."

"Like who?"

She hesitated and bit her bottom lip. She backed up from me and took a deep breath.

"Girls, Billie, I like girls, well I like guys too- I- 'm sorry I- "

"I do too."

I didn't even think before the words left my mouth. Honestly, I didn't care that I told her, it was something I always knew about myself but it was never something I felt like I needed to say until now. I wanted her to know she wasn't alone.

She let out a little laugh, and so did I. I was glad she seemed to lighten up.

"Billie, have you ever drunk before?"

"Uh, well I mean I sipped my mom's wine."

"No, I mean like drank a beer or something of sustenance?"

"No, have you?"

She looked down at her feet and pulled on her cuffs again.

"No, but, I want to."

I was a little nervous but, I had wanted to drink too. I hated fall and, I know that Lyla did too. It seemed anytime something went wrong for me or the people I loved it happened in the fall.