How does it feel?

1. The beginning of the end

Callie

The damp floor of the dungeon made it hard to keep the tiny cuts of
cheese on my mini charcuterie board.

I suppose it was less of a board
and more of a loose brick from the back wall, but the rat that visited this
cell wouldn’t mind.

I laughed out loud at how cute it looked with the little bits of cracker
and honey saved from my meal yesterday. My muscles froze. I immediately berated myself for the laughter that had slipped out.

They didn’t like when I made noises. When I made noises, they woke
up. They had told me they would hurt me again if I made any more noise.

I pressed my body into the faulty shelter of the dungeon’s shadows.
My finger’s poked the open, bloodied wound on my head as a firm
reminder of its horrible capabilities.

A deep inhale stretched my sinewy ribs as I imprinted my finger nail
sharply into the wound. I bit the iron cuffs around my wrist to muffle my
cries as the metal tang of blood swirled with the bite of iron in my mouth.

Good, I still felt something. My taut muscles relaxed the faintest
amount.

The iron chain between my cuffs clanged loudly against itself with my
slight movement.

Blackness immediately consumed me as my eyes shut so tightly that
tiny flecks of light speckled the back of my eyelids. The hard stone wall
dug into my flesh. I pressed harder, willing it to swallow me up so I would
no longer be inside the fear-laced cell of this dungeon.

Had I caused it to wake?

A few stray tears escaped my eyes as my body trembled.
Fuck. Fuck.
I shook so hard I threatened to wake him with the rattle of my bones.
Be quiet or it will wake and hurt you again.

I wish I could have known more details about all of this. I was
beginning to question who I really was anymore. It was like ten versions of myself were shoved into this body, and I grew more confused about who I was with every day that passed.

I just wanted to be myself for a while. I had forgotten what that felt like.
A moment of stillness passed. I filled myself with a silent lungful of
relief and returned to my mini charcuterie board.

I could wait and see if they gave me more bread tonight, but I doubt
they would.

Holding my breath, I stepped over the rusted chain that connected my
cuffs and pulled my hands wide on either side of my body.

The thick iron chain pulled tightly around my lower back, silencing any metal clangs as I moved the brick of food back toward the cell wall where I had removed the brick from originally.

I sat in front of the large gap and waited patiently for the only thing that kept me sane . The only thing I looked forward to anymore.
Within a few moments, the grungy brown rat came.

“I’m so glad you made it back,” I mouthed excitedly, the smacks of my
lips the only sound I dared to make.
The large brown rat turned its beady black eyes both ways before by passing the food and running into my lap.

He looked bigger today. His
dark fur, slick with greasy patches, seemed more filled out than usual. Was I crazy to think a rat had gained muscle?

“I told you to stop saving your food for us. I want to help you escape,
not take your nourishment,” the mahogany rat whispered as he climbed onto my shoulder and nuzzled the crook of my neck.

His soft fur brushed against my skin. He was so warm and dry
compared to everything else down here.
“Take the food back to the others, please. I’d like to know you are all
fed,” I pleaded softer than a whisper but more cautious than a secret.
He had told me many times that the castle rats were taken care of, but I
couldn’t stand the thought of any of the animals and creatures around this horrible place not having food.

“Please be quiet. I cannot stand to see them hurt you anymore,” he
whispered softer than before. “Any of them.” He paused to look in the
opposite corner of the dark cell before his small voice continued. “I came to
tell you that he is on the way and I have failed you. Please, please don’t
give up. We will find a way—” The brown rat squeaked loudly before
scurrying off my shoulder and out the hole again with a deep grunt, just as a
loud bang thudded and a large boulder slammed into the wall, somehow missing the rat’s naked tail.
It was awake.

I leaped back in an aimless attempt to gain distance between the
monster and myself. Hurriedly, I moved my legs back over the chain that bound my wrists to have more movement of my hands. Not that I could defend myself much anyway.

“What did I tell you, human? What did I tell you would happen if you
woke me?” rumbled a deep raspy voice.

It was haunting. Not high and not low, just the right sound to shock your
senses and make your bones feel weak at the pitch. Nothing human sounded
similar.

But then again, it wasn’t human.
It shifted with a horrible tremble as it turned itself back into a squat
tree-stump-looking creature no taller than my hips.

Brown bark-like texture
covered its long body except for the angry tan face, arms, and hands. Green and brown leaves rustled loudly at the ends of its long arms and legs while large expressionless black eyes stared back at me. The only other notable feature of its face was a deep cavernous hole for its mouth.

“I-I’m sorry. Please go back to sleep, I’ll be quiet. I swear,” I pleaded to
the forest bog, willing him with every fiber of my existence to accept my
offer.

It trembled again, this time sprouting pointed branches covered with
sharp thorns.

“I will go back to sleep after I kill you and use you slowly, you human
piece of shit,” the forest bog rasped as it began walking toward me.

The thorns shifted, growing fatter as they angled toward me, ready to
sink into my skin like the barbs of a fishing hook.

“Please!” I cried out. The tiny black dress I wore shielded none of the cold stone from my skin as I sank back farther against the wall.

“So, you haven’t killed her?” thundered a deep voice as he opened the cell door and stepped inside.

At least fifteen armored guards stood on edge as the umbra of a man
lurked forward reluctantly.
The bog shrank away instantly, withdrawing all its thorns and returning to the shape of a boulder once again.

“Sir, the assassin is not safe to be around. We will extract her. Please
leave her cell,” one of the guards shouted, stepping in front of the
enormously muscular Fae.

The impressive Fae suddenly seemed to remember himself and left the
cell to watch me from behind the iron bars as five other guards entered in
his place.

“Please! Don’t do this,” I shouted as the guards grabbed me and formed
a complete circle with their bodies, shoving me out of my cell and into the
torch-lit aisle that ran between our cells.

“Where to, sir?” A different guard asked as they huddled around me,
making certain to keep me as far from the Unseelie prince as possible while
still forcing me to walk with him.

“To the chamber of blood. I am tired of the human, and it’s the perfect
place to paint the walls with her pretty blood.”

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