Ghost // Laurmani

Oh Baby, Look at Us

I loved sitting in your lap. I lovvvvvvved it. I loved sitting in your lap, straddling you, just being all over you. I crave human contact. I always wanted to be touching you but I didn't like holding hands.

You on the other hand loved holding hands. I didn't, but I did it for you. Honestly, I find it so annoying. I would rather have my hands around your waist or over your shoulder. I loved how soft you were. Even though you were built and strong you still were so soft to the touch, like if fabric softener was turned into a human, it would be you.

I loved holding you and being held by you. I just like touching you.

I would always play with your hair, I would roll it around in my fingers and I was just constantly touching you. I always wanted to touch you.

It's funny, I remember one time we were leaning up against the wall and we didn't say anything, we were just pressed up together, I could feel your chest rising and falling with mine. And it was so completely wonderful.

I think that's what I miss the most, our contact. The way we learned how to fit into each other, we changed the way we did things to fit for each other. We slowly then all at once fell into each other's lives when we were together. But I still can not believe we ended the way we did. It was just a nasty experience. It hurt like hell. I just.... I don't know... We shouldn't have ended like that.

I kept getting short with you because you no longer had time for me. You knew I had an issue with you not paying attention to me. You said you would change it for me but you didn't and I was so pissed about it. But I never wanted to break up with you. You ended up breaking up with me. You said it was because you didn't want to hurt me anymore, but I'm pretty sure you were just doing it to save your own ass.

I think you decided that our relationship was too much for you. That you couldn't handle talking to me everyday, you didn't want to make plans with me anymore. I think you were so scared of the idea of being in a relationship you decided to be out of the relationship before you actually ended it. You ended up not speaking to me for days, then promising we could talk soon then go back to not saying a thing all over again. Sometimes I can't believe you did that while other times I can't believe I let you. I mean yeah, I told you hey I think it's fucked up you don't talk to me like you should but you told me you we're just really busy but as soon as summer hit we would have all the time in the world to be together. But that was bullshit because summer hit like a hammer and you were still no where to be found.

You gave up on us even before we broke up.

But you wanted this, you wanted me. I don't understand what the hell could have changed your mind.

And it sucks that we still aren't speaking because I fell like now I'll never know. It reminds me of the song Skinny Love and honestly I use to hate that fucking song, but it came on last night and i don't know, you just clouded my thoughts. And my heart kind of broke all over again.

It's getting harder and harder to write to you. I think I'm gonna stop soon, and it's not because I miss you like hell, or because I think we should still be together but because you made it clear that you don't miss you, you don't want anything to do with me. And I'm obviously not worth your time.

I don't know, maybe I could be on your mind right now but hell I wouldn't know because you won't talk to me. And I am so fucking sick of you not texting me back which is why I stopped in the first place. I always thought we would end up being something special to each other, not someone that we use to know.

Sometimes I like to picture you laying in bed crying your eyes out because you miss me, then you would just grab your phone and text me "I miss you," and I'm pretty sure that's all I would need to come running back to you. And I shouldn't be like this. I shouldn't be waiting for you. Fuck that. If you really wanted me you would have let me know.

I wonder if you miss me though. Honestly, do you still think about me? Do you think about my voice or my hair? The way I was totally in love with you? Do you think that you'll ever find someone who will love you as much as I loved you? Do you ever want to apologize to me? Or do you still think it's better to save your own ass than saving us. We could still be together probably if you hadn't of been so awful.

And it's not all your fault , I would never say that to you but man I wanted to fight for us. I had been fighting for us since the moment we got together. And now look at us? Baby, look at us? Where are you? Where am i? Why aren't we together?

I have so many questions on why we fell apart and I want answers. And the only way I can get answers is if I see you.

So you better get ready, I'm coming to see you.

-Lauren